


Can't Erase Me

by icapturedkindness



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Breaking Up & Making Up, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-11
Updated: 2016-10-12
Packaged: 2018-08-14 12:54:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 37,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8014804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icapturedkindness/pseuds/icapturedkindness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>so like, i know we broke up and stuff but funny story, i haven’t told my family yet and they just assumed you’d be coming with me for my parent’s anniversary celebration and i really don’t know how to tell them and i know this is really selfish but i can’t break my mother’s heart like that (more like father’s really), they’ll probably have a heart attack- and wait what? you’d do that for me? holy shit, i love you…wait-</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So this is the story I chose for my captain swan big bang.   
> Thank you to @blessed-but-distressed for her beta work! This honestly would no be what it is if it weren't for her. Also go check out the amazing artwork @captainodonoghue has made for this on tumblr!   
> Hope y'all like it :)

Emma threw the phone on the bed a bit angrily, chickening out at the last minute again. This was the eleventh time during the day where she picked up her phone, hovered her finger over the goofy picture of the man with blue-eyes (the one contact she had promised to delete months ago but never did), and after almost touching her finger on the little green button beside his picture, shut her phone off.  
  
It had been exactly six months, thirteen days, and four hours since Emma Swan broke up with the best thing that ever happened to her. Happiness and love flooded her life in the forms of a cocky blue-eyed and scruffy jawed Brit lawyer almost two years ago.  
  
The first time Emma flirted with Killian Jones was on a beautiful autumn day, when she had accidently gotten confused between him and a sleazy douchebag she was supposed to bring in to the station (not her fault that the only description she got was blue eyes and British accent). Throughout the time they both spent in that cute little coffee shop, she could feel his eyes on her, watching and admiring, while she was scanning the area and trying to figure out whether he was her next paycheck. After he invited himself over to her table, with two coffees, a grin, and a compliment, she flirted right back with him, loosening him up a bit.  
  
Once he was completely relaxed, and she made a show of being late to her work (she owned a bakery this time), he offered to walk her to her car, falling completely in her trap. As they reached her yellow bug, him complimenting her on her taste in vehicles and color, she grabbed his bicep and pushed him harshly to her car, trapping his lean body between her car and herself. Her front was tightly pressed to his back and she was holding his wrists behind him.  
  
"I didn't expect you liked it rough, Swan," he smirked, turning slightly in her hold and winking at her.  
  
"Shut up, Jones. You’re coming with me to the station,," she seethed, slapping on the handcuffs, and shoving him into the backseat of her car.  
  
She called Graham to inform him about her success as she locked the doors and checked up on him from her rear view mirror. The entire trip to the station he had a lazy and amused grin on his face and asked her whether the things she told him about herself were true. With a roll of her eyes she told him everything was true except the part of her job of course.  
  
The lazy smirk was still etched on his face once he was seated in her chair at the station with Graham waiting on the perp’s wife to come and identify him and ask whether he wanted to go to jail, or she could just withdraw her charges if the man agreed to pay.  
  
To say the least, once the wife entered, it was chaotic.  
  
She burst into tears upon seeing Killian, Graham tried to soothe her, and Emma was confused between answering Graham's questions, trying to decipher what the crying wife was saying, and ignoring the loud laughs coming from the man sitting handcuffed in her chair.  
  
At the end of the day, Graham forced her to agree to his offer of dinner for the night once he found out the blue-eyed Brit was a lawyer.  
  
Emma not so begrudgingly agreed as she didn't want to get sued. (Plus the man was hot). He had left with a wink to her and a "Great! It's a date, love.”  
  
Emma flirted with him for the second time during their dinner date - _“I_ _t's our third date_ _,_ _Swan, the coffee house the_ _first, the police station second, and now this the third_ _,”_ \- she still remembered his voice and the teasing grin he wore then.  
  
Fast-forward to a year later, and they were happily in love.  
  
~xx~  
  
Emma picked up her phone again, and after taking a deep breath she opened his contact, and just as she was about to press the green button, her phone vibrated with a text from her mother.  
  
**_Emma, Granny wants Killian to bring his apple pie recipe. Can't wai_** ** _t to see you both_** ** _._**

**_I_** ** _Love you, Mom_** ** _._**  
  
She threw the phone and buried her head in her hands, her fingers digging into her scalp. They broke up six freaking months ago, a small tiny little detail which Emma managed to omit from her family. Not her fault that her family was practically in love with the guy, probably even more than Emma was, and she never had the heart to tell them that it's over between them. Plus, there was the fact that she didn't want to hear the same lecture from her mother about not being afraid of love and commitment, that not every guy is going to leave her like Neal (certainly not Killian, _“H_ _oney, he looks at you like you hung the moon and stars_ _._ ”).  
  
Her parents lived a six hour flight away from her, in Storybrooke, and their family business kept them grounded in the small quaint town, so the chances of them ever finding out that she broke up with the best boyfriend ever were very slim. Of course she never considered the fact that her parent's 30th anniversary was this year and they were doing a big celebration, inviting all of their friends and family, and Emma being their only child had to be there (and she wanted to be there).  
  
Emma contemplated just calling her mother and coming clean with the truth but she didn't want her to spend her anniversary celebrations being worried that her emotionally closed off daughter who finally had found love and happiness was back at square one again. And had let go of the best thing that ever happened to her because she got scared of commitment, scared of the unconditional and loyal way Killian Jones loved her, adored her, and cherished her. But with these nice feelings came the fear of being left heartbroken again, and she let it eat her up, ignoring all the other perfect aspects of her relationship, and thus ended up making the biggest and stupidest mistake of her life. She broke his heart, and hers along with him.  
  
He'd left with his mouth set in a thin line, his cheeks covered in tear stains (matching her own), and with a kiss to her forehead.  
  
Not wanting to break her parent's heart and everyone else in Storybrooke, and with the itch she had to just see him once more, wanting to know how he is doing, she picked up her phone and instead of lingering over his contact, pressed the green call button.  
  
After three rings, and eight months, thirteen days, and four hours, she finally heard his shaky exhale, "Hello?"  



	2. Chapter 2

Emma's breath hitched and she cleared her throat before whispering, "Hi"  
  
"Hi," he repeated his own voice sounding strained much like hers.  
  
She couldn't decide whether she wanted to cry or smile - hearing his voice after so many hopeless nights where she had lain on her bed all alone after crying her eyes out, just wishing that if she turned in her bed, he'd still be there beside her so she could snuggle up to him, and feel his strong arms holding her.  
  
He cleared his throat. "Love, you still there?"  
  
"Oh, yeah!" she replied quickly, the wheels in her head turning, trying to figure out what to say next. She never thought she'd have the guts to actually call him, so never planned on what to say to him. She couldn't just come out and say, "Oh, hey! Funny story. I never actually told my family we broke up, and now they are expecting for us to show up at my parents’ anniversary celebration! Yay!"  
  
"I was wondering if we could talk?" she squeaked, hating that her voice sounded so girlish  and weak.  
  
There was a pause, followed by a deep sigh, and a grunted, "Bloody hell."  
  
She was about to blurt the entire thing out, once it hit her that he probably assumed she wanted to get back together, or wanted a second chance. _But you do!_ The voice inside her head snapped which Emma ignored, just as she had all these months.  
  
"Killian, it’s not what you think," she clarified, not wanting for him to start yelling at her on the phone, or worse, get his hopes up. _He should have moved on by now, definitely_ _._  
  
After a long pause, where Emma was almost certain he had hung up, at last he suggested, "The Hood, at 8 tonight?"  
  
"Yes! See you there," she murmured, trying to sound nonchalant.  
  
"See you, love."  
  
Emma could hear his breathing on the other side of the line, neither one of them willing to hang up first. There was more she wanted to say, so much more, but she couldn't. He didn't deserve it after he'd been nothing but nice to her. She was the idiot who ran away.  
  
Finally after hearing a grumble on his end, the call cut out.  
  
~~xx~~  
  
As 7:30 approached, Emma changed into a clean pair of jeans and a v-neck white top, which did wonders for her cleavage. She was fixing her hair and makeup when she remembered that the top was one of his favourites – he had always appreciated the deep v-neck, and told her that the colour brought out the gold in her eyes.  
  
Shaking her head at her subconscious which had traitorously decided to don his favorite, and not wanting to give him false ideas, she changed into another, much more modest blue choice (which reminded her of his blue eyes but whatever).  
  
She left as the clock hit 7:45, needing only ten minutes for the ride to The Hood. They used to spend almost every night there, the owner and bartender Robin being a dear friend of his, and his wife of hers. She found a parking spot quickly, the bar not too crowded on a Thursday night.  
  
Once inside, she dashed straight for their bar stools, the ones which were always closest to Robin, as he used to chat along with them, and filled their glasses up without asking, and a few times jokingly told them to get a room, when they got a bit too handsy.  
  
She spotted Robin in his usual spot behind the bar, pouring a drink to a group of girls as he chatted with them. He turned to her when she slid into her usual bar stool, his eyes widening for a moment once he spotted her. She had seen him a few times since the breakup, but only when she went to visit Regina, and made sure Killian was nowhere around  
  
"Hey, Emma. How are you?" he walked towards her, and hugged her as best as he could from the other side of the bar. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"Get me a rum and I'll tell you," she smiled, checking the time once her friend turned around to fix her drink. 8:02. He should be here any minute now. It was unlike him to be even a minute late, usually arriving at places a few minutes earlier – a habit he claims he learned from his late big brother.  
  
"Here you go," Robin slid the glass to her with a bright smile, which Emma couldn't help but reciprocate.  
  
He wiped the trail of water in front of Emma and smiled up to her again, obviously waiting for her to explain her purpose of her first visit in months.  
  
"I'm here to see Killian," she blurted out, watching Robin's eyebrows shoot up in surprise, and an " _O_ _h_ ," slip from his lips.  
  
He tilted his head in question, with his mouth slightly agape, "Are you two…?"  
  
Emma was saved by answering his question as she heard a throaty voice behind her, "Swan."  
  
She froze, and her breath hitched. No one had called her by her last name since they’d broken up. She squeezed her eyes shut briefly, before she slowly turned in her bar stool, her gaze landing on his chest. She didn't even realize she was holding her breath, until her gaze met his and time seemed to stop.  
  
Killian Jones stood a few feet away from her, the buttons of his vest half unbuttoned, the sleeves of his shirt folded to his elbows, and his usual suit nowhere in sight. His dark hair was slicked back neatly, and his eyes still the fierce blue she remembered. His scruff was a bit thicker, and his jaw was currently clenched, Emma realizing that he was nervous as hell. Living with someone for a year, you notice these things.  
  
"Killian," she breathed, standing up and making a move toward him as he took a step towards her at the same time. They chuckled nervously, and he moved to take the bar stool beside her, nodding in greeting to Robin, who slipped him a glass of rum and re-filled Emma's.  
  
"How are you, love?" he asked, turning in his seat to face her.  
  
"I'm good." she lied. "You?"  
  
"Good," he nodded.  
  
They both fell silent for a moment, the air between them thick with tension and awkwardness.  
  
Killian turned to look at her, his eyes finding hers and she saw him drop his head down. She wanted to say something – maybe apologize for her actions, blurt out the reason she called him here, ask about his day, or even just talk about the fucking weather. Anything.  
  
But she remained silent with him, the awkward silence stretching for a few more moments before he rubbed his eyes and asked, "How's work? And... Graham?" His voice was still laced with that little hint of jealousy it always was whenever Graham was mentioned. Emma had gone out with him on one date a million years ago, and ever since she’d told Killian about it, he complained about “ _the_ _way he looked at her_ " but grudgingly accepted the friendship, and Graham’s place in her life.  
  
"It's good. Graham's fine. He's dating someone actually. They seem pretty serious," she answered, noticing the little smile on his face, as if he was pleased by her answer.  
  
"How about you? Gold still a dick?"  
  
"Aye, love." He looked like he wanted to say more, but thought against it and after a deep breath, blurted out, "Swan, why did you ask me to meet you? After 6 months of complete silence?"  
  
Emma winced slightly from the hurt and annoyance in his tone, but couldn’t exactly blame him. Minutes after Emma had ended it, he’d moved his stuff out from her apartment. He’d basically been living there, just going back to his condo to pick up his mail, and the occasional shirt. She had ignored him the first few times he had called after he was back at his place, and the only things left in her house to remind her of him were his random stray socks, his tea beside her coffee, “ _Guilty_ _, Swan. Th_ _e_ _stereotype does apply to me_ _”_ , and a shit ton of memories.  
  
She looked up at him apologetically, hating herself for even thinking of asking him of this. He would probably yell at her and leave – what kind of selfish woman was she to ask him to pretend to date her for her parents when _she_ had dumped _him_?  
  
But she had to take a chance.  
  
"It's my parents 30th anniversary," she started, offering a little nervous smile, and he nodded for her to continue. "I need to leave next Friday, and I'm planning to stay there for about two weeks. Mom is home all summer because school is out, and it’s Storybroooke, not much crime going on for Dad to be busy…" She shook her head, realizing that she was fumbling, trying to buy more time before she came to the main point.   
  
"Killian, I hate myself for even considering asking you this, and I completely understand if you don't want anything to do with this, or me, and if you hate me and want to yell at me…" She took a deep breath and shut her eyes for a moment, gathering courage.  
  
He noticed her discomfort, and offered his still full glass of rum to her, which she quickly downed down with a desperate "Thanks.”  
  
She looked up at him, staring into his blue eyes, the ones she used to stare into in the dead of night when she bared herself to him, both physically and emotionally. She could do this. It was just _Killian_. He had seen her at her very worse, he could hear the truth about exactly how much of a stupid coward she was.  
  
"I actually kind of never told my parents that we broke up, and now I need you to come with me to their anniversary as a couple, ‘cause I can't break their hearts. And I know I'm being selfish, and oh my god, I'm sorry. You don't have to do this. It’s stupid. Oh god, I'm so sorry, _fuck me_."  
  
Emma ducked her head, waiting for the blow. She didn't know if he would yell at her, or mock her, or just leave without another word.  
  
Instead, he laughed.  
  
"Why are you laughing?" she asked bewildered, her heart thudding in her chest.  
  
"I know you never told your parents about our separation, love." He quirked an eyebrow up, his lips forming into a smile.  
  
"How?"  
  
"Your mother still occasionally sends me " _H_ _ow are you_ _?_ " texts and your father texts me whenever there is a game on," he explained. "I put two and two together, and figured you never actually told them."  
  
"Wait, _so you still talk to my parents_?" she asked, surprised at how all of this is going under her nose for the past six months, and she had absolutely no clue. Well, to be fair she always did change the subject whenever her parents brought up Killian.  
  
"Aye.” he shrugged. “I didn't think it was my place to tell them about us. Also, I quite like your parents, Swan."  
  
Emma smiled, shaking her head at his ridiculous, yet very sweet and cute gesture of still being nice to her parents, even when they were over.  
  
Finally, she spoke. "Listen, it’s okay if you don't wanna do this with me. I completely get it – I'll just have to get my shit together and tell my parents the truth."  
  
He looked at her for a few moments. "But it'll ruin their party. And the mood. Your mother would be very displeased, and so your father would automatically be grumpy and sad."  
  
Emma's heart swelled at his concern for her parents. "Yeah I mean they will be upset, but you gotta do what you gotta do, right?"  
  
"Well, that's not right," he shook his head, ”It would be poor form to ruin their anniversary.”  
  
"That's why I even considered asking you this. I don't want to break their hearts. I would tell them, but I don't want to mess up their big day," she confessed, "But hey, it’s okay. It's my fault, and my mess, and I'll deal with this. No need to drag yo-"  
  
"I'm in," he cut her off.  
  
" _What?_ "  
  
"I'll do it, Swan. For your parents," he added quickly. "They have been nothing but kind to me. This is the least I could do, in gratitude."  
  
Emma blinked a couple of times, still not believing that this man, whose heart she had crushed, whose calls and texts she’d avoided for months, was still willing to help her, just for the sake of her family. She felt overwhelmed, tears starting to sting at the rim of her eyes, and not wanting to embarrass herself, she signaled Robin for another drink.  
  
"Thank you, honestly, thank you so much!" she finally said, once they both downed their drinks, Robin giving them both a funny look before he left them alone again.  
  
"No problem, Swan," he replied, offering a little smile, "So when shall we leave? I have a meeting this Thursday but I'm sure after that I can get my vacation days."  
  
"I was thinking Friday?"  
  
"Aye, Friday works. Excellent." He turned back towards Robin, who noticed their calmer demeanor and joined them.  
  
"You guys wanna come home for dinner? Regina's cooking lasagna," Robin grinned.  
  
"Sure, I haven't seen your fiery wife for a while." Killian slapped his friend on the shoulder. Emma smiled. For the first time during the night, Killian was behaving like himself, all smirking and teasing.  
  
They both turned expectantly towards her and Emma gulped hard. It was hard enough seeing him after six months, she didn’t think she could do the same things with him that they had done as a couple – drinking with their friends at Robin's bar, having dinner with Robin and Regina, spending time with Belle in her bookstore, and going clubbing with Ruby and Victor.  
  
Needing to space herself from him, and clear her head, if she was going to think up how to put their plan into action, Emma politely declined the offer.  
  
After making plans with Killian about flights, and promising to discuss the details over phone and e-mail, she slammed her hands on the bar top. "Well, I should leave you guys to it," she smiled at them both, standing up. Killian held her purse out for her and she took it with a smile, their fingers brushing and Emma felt the same buzz go through her entire body as before, even with this most innocent of contact. He retrieved his hand back quickly, and shoved it inside his pocket, while he scratched the back of his ear with his other.

"See you on Friday," she said, still not believing this was actually happening.  
  
"See you on Friday, love."  
  
Once inside her Bug, Emma dropped her head to the steering wheel. She had seen all the fake dating movies, and knew how they all ended. Maybe they didn’t meet all the usual criteria. Even if they weren’t friends (anymore) who were mutually pining over each other, or rivals always at each other’s throats, she’d seen The Proposal enough times. She’d earned dramatic sighs from Killian whenever she’d quoted it, he in turn earning himself a smack around the head with a pillow.   
  
Pretending to be a couple with the man she was still in love with and insanely attracted to?  
  
She was so screwed.  


 


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Emma's phone buzzed, a notification popping from a _Captain Hottie_. Killian owned a sailboat on which they had their second real date, and after she admitted that she found him hot, he'd forced her to change his contact name from _Brit Not-perp_ to _Captain Hottie_. Her name on his phone was saved as _Lady Swan,_ which he refused to change, so Emma just eventually gave up.  
  
She swiped on the notification immediately, smiling as they had fallen back into their texting habits again. _Almost._ For now, it was just essential things to do with their little drama at her parents’ anniversary, and not their old habits of updating the other on some weird observations they made during their day and wanted to share. Nor the old sappy "I miss you," messages, or the more heated "I want you so much," followed with a wink, or if Emma felt bold, with the eggplant emoji and the wink one.  
  
She was greeted with a picture of two flasks with his text, **_“How about this for Dave?”_**  
  
Sighing, as they'd already had this conversation, she replied back. **“** **Killian** **,** **how many times do I have to tell you** **?** **I alread** **y bought the gifts!** **”**  
  
 ** _“_** ** _Aye, Swan_** ** _,_** ** _but I must take something as well. They are willingly offering me accommodation for two weeks. 'Tis only good form, love_** ** _…”_**  
  
Yup. Accommodation for two weeks – Emma's old bedroom in their house. Just a dresser, a side table, and a bed. One queen sized bed. With him and her. Emma tried not to think about it too much yet; they'll cross that bridge when it's needed.  
  
Well to be fair, she wasn’t entirely sure her parents would allow them to stay in the same room. On the last, very rare occasion when her parents had visited her, for her 28th birthday a few months ago, Mary Margaret had commanded Emma in her mom-voice to make sure Killian was invited, but David had still made sure that by the end of the night, Killian was headed back to his own apartment and not following his daughter into her bedroom.

* * *

 

  
She still remembered the flush on her cheeks, and his, as her mother scolded her father from the other room., "For God's sake, David! Some of his stuff is in here, it's not like they read the Bible fully clothed at night! They're adults!"  
  
Clearing her head, and coming back to the present, she re-read his text and typed back., **_“_** ** _The crystal wine glasses I bought for them are expen_** ** _sive as shit, don't worry about it._** ** _”_**  
  
 ** _“_** ** _But you won't let me pay for half of them, thus they are considered YOUR gift. I already bought a necklace for your mother (that's not weird right?). I'm just asking whether the black or silver flask for Dave?_** ** _”_**  
  
Emma let out a defeated grunt. Once this man was set on something, he wouldn't listen to anyone. He was a stubborn arse, just like her..  
  
 ** _“_** ** _Black_** ** _”_**  
  
She felt guilty. Not only had he agreed to play pretend with her, he was buying gifts for her family, and had even refused to let Emma at least pay for his flight ticket as a show of gratitude. Moreover, she felt guilty because she didn't deserve this – didn't deserve his kindness, or his help; not after she’d broken his heart. He should have been running away from her, telling her to fuck off, and deal with her problems herself, as she was no longer his to care about.   
  
Yet here he was.  
  
~~xx~~  
  
After checking her lock for the third time, Emma rushed downstairs, slinging her purse onto her shoulder. She re-informed her doorman to pick-up her mails for her, and after he reassured her, she made a mental note to remember to bring a box of chocolates back for the guy.  
  
She rushed towards the sleek black Mercedes idling at the curb, settling into the passenger seat and rolling her eyes as Regina huffed a "Ffinally.".  
  
"Hey, I still have three hours until departure!" Emma answered to her friend's huff, buckling her belt as Regina drove.  
  
"Well, Miss Swan, then maybe we should stop for brunch?" Regina askedsaid sarcastically.  
  
"Why couldn't Robin be the one to drop me off?"  
  
Regina snickered at that and Emma replied with a grin of her own as they fell into silence, while Emma mentally checked if she had everything she needed, and _D_ _amn it_ _,_ _did she switch off all the lights?_  
  
Soon enough, the signboard with the tell-tale little plane came up on the highway, and Regina took that exit, making the way to Departures.  
  
"Emma, you know I don't say things like this, so just listen carefully, and never mention this again. Ever," the dark haired woman started. "You do realize that you're going off to pretend to date your ex-boyfriend for two weeks?"  
  
Emma squirmed in her seat., "I know."  
  
"And you know this only ends two ways – either you guys get back together, or things go down south very, _very_ badly."  
  
"Regina…" Emma protested.  
  
"Listen, all I'm saying is, you’d better be aware that you're aware this little drama of yours is either going to end up with you both really happy or really fucking miserable."  
  
Emma sighed, ignoring the crass language of her friend. For a councilwoman, she swore like a sailor when she wasn’t busy sucking up to the public.  
  
Regina finally pulled into the drop off zone, and climbed out, helping Emma pull out her luggage from the trunk – one bag with her clothes, and a carry on with the gifts she bought.  
  
"When are you and Robin coming?" Emma asked.  
  
"We'll leave next Friday, stay the weekend at my mother's, and then head back on Monday," she informed her. "You know, Ruby and I should get credit for keeping this little secret of yours for so long."  
  
Emma sighed. Regina and Ruby had grown up with her in Storybrooke, the three of them best of friends since middle school, and after they moved out to the city for college, they’d remained together.  
  
"I know, thank you!" Emma squeezed her friend's shoulder lightly, "Just have to keep it up for two more weeks. Or actually more. I'll tell my parents we "broke up" a week after we return."  
  
"Or maybe you won’t break up... not break up" Regina raised a perfectly threaded eyebrow in a teasing way, "Have a nice flight. See you next week, dear"  
  
"See you, and thanks for the ride!"  
  
She heeded her friend's words. Emma had long ago accepted that she missed Killian and regretted breaking up with him; but the reasons behind the break-up still remained. Not only could she never expect that Killian would want to get back together, she herself wouldn't..., _couldn't_ do it.  
  
Breaking it off with him had just made the walls around her heart go up higher. Once upon a time, Killian Jones had managed to break those walls down, but this time, he wouldn't attempt to, and she wouldn't let him.  
  
~~xx~~  
  
Emma headed towards the check-in area, eyes searching for a dark haired Brit. Her heart thudded in her chest, and her stomach clenched in knots in, with the anticipation of seeing him again. She wasn't sure if it was nervousness, excitement, or both.  
  
 _It was just for_ _t_ _wo weeks_ , she reminded herself, repeating that mantra in her head whenever she could.  
  
"Swan!" she heard a slight yell and turned to find Killian sitting on a nearby couch with his bag beside him. He stood up and walked towards her, giving Emma the chance to look him over. He was dressed casually, his business suit gone and replaced with light denim jeans and a navy blue shirt, the dark color contrasting his baby blue eyes. As usual, he looked amazing. He had always been very easy on the eyes.  
  
Once he was in front of her, he scratched behind his ear, seemingly unsure of how to proceed.  
  
"We should check in," Emma supplied, breaking the momentary awkward silence. He just nodded, and indicated for her to lead the way with a slight bow, making her roll her eyes.  
  
Learning at the counter that they both had been upgraded to business class, she turned towards Killian with a scowl, but he smiled innocently at her.  
  
"Don't tell me Gold still doesn't care," she muttered once they were headed towards their gate number, dragging their carry-ons with them.  
  
"He doesn't, love."  
  
"Killian, you can't just put these things on his company's account!" she huffed.  
  
"I've told you this before – the man's a prick. The only way he knows how to keep his employees happy is by throwing money at them," Killian said, slight annoyance in his tone., "He even looked over at the Caribbean charges from the Caribbean trip, and didn't say a word!"  
  
Emma smiled, remembering as her initial annoyance had slowly turneding to excitement, once Killian had upgraded them to business class on their first trip as a couple. It had only been which was taken a mere two months into their relationship. One night they’d lain in front of the TV, drunk on cheap wine, and seen a commercial with sunny skies, white sand, and crystal blue water. They’d booked the trip that night, before they could talk themselves out of it. as they'd both been very intoxicated when a commercial on TV had lead them to book the trip. They'd been giddy, and excited, and so in love.  
  
She looked over at him and saw a wistful sort of expression on his face, and realized he was probably thinking about the same thing too – warm sunny weather, the sound of waves crashing, sipping martinis by the pool, Emma in a bikini, him in a bathing suit, shirtless, and them both teasing each other with touches as they rubbed sunscreen over the other.  
  
But suddenly he stiffened and his eyebrows furrowed, the sweet look gone from his face, making Emma's stomach knot painfully.  
  
After settling her bag beside Killian's in the waiting area, she excused herself to go to the bathroom. Heading straight to the basin at the end, she put her palms flat on the cool tile, exhaling a few times.  
  
She splashed cold water on her face, carefully avoiding her eyes so as to not ruin her mascara. After one good look at herself in the mirror, and mentally calming herself with some motivational words, she headed back out.  
  
He was still sitting at the same spot, doing something on his phone. Probably checking e-mails. He used to do that a lot. The only indicator he had moved was the Starbucks tray on the seat beside him.  
  
Once he looked up at her, he put his phone back in his pocket, and handed her a cup and a bag from the tray.  
  
"Hot chocolate with cinnamon, love," he said as Emma took it, careful not to brush her fingers with his.  
  
"Thanks," she smiled.  
  
"Oh wait, I think this is yours," she said, looking inside the bag. It was a blueberry scone. _H_ _e_ _really_ _was very British_ _,_ _in some stereotypical ways_ _._  
  
"Ah, my apologies," he muttered, exchanging the bags with her., "You have the banana bread."  
  
She thanked him again and slumped back in the chair, focusing on the people around her, hoping the silence between them wouldn't feel uncomfortable. _What would she even say? Make small talk with the person who knows every single little thing about her?_  
  
She sighed in relief once she saw Killian take out his phone again, and getting lost in his work.  
  
~~xx~~  
  
Emma almost moaned once she sat in her seat, taking the window seat even though technically it was Killian's. Flying in business class definitely had its  its perks; like the plush seats, the legroom, and the extra nice service.  
  
She looked over at Killian who was fidgeting with his belt even though barely anyone had even boarded yet. He checked his belt twice before he ran his hand through his hair, and snatched the information sheet with the emergency instructions. He read it carefully, his eyes intently reading through the instructions when Emma let out a snort.  
  
He turned towards her, an eyebrow quirked up.  
  
"You practically have that thing memorized," she teased, remembering their plane ride to the Caribbean where Emma learned that the normally smirking, teasing, and cocky Killian Jones was deathly afraid of flying.  
  
"You can never be too prepared, Swan," he replied, flipping the instructions over to where they explained about landing in the sea., "The ocean goes to Storybrooke, love, we should have just taken my boat."  
  
"Take your tiny sailboat out onto the open ocean? Who do you think you are, Captain Hook?" she teased, knowing how big of a fan he was of the one-handed pirate.  
  
"I guarantee it would've been better than this contraption!" he said, waving his hands in the air. "I would be in total control of my sailboat at least, and you, well... you would have been good at making sure we are well-nourished," he winked.  
  
 _Bastard_ _,_  Emma thought, taking a jab at her complete lack of sailing boating skills.  
  
"Killian, the plane is _not_ going to crash, and the takeoff and landing are the best part!" She rolled her eyes.  
  
"Honestly, I used to think the landing and takeoff were the only parts you should be cautious, but all those plane crashes this past year happened while they were in air," he said, running his hand through his hair, messing it up further. , "They still haven't found the Malaysian Airlines airline plane, you know!"  
  
The urge to run her hand through his hair to fix it was overwhelming, so Emma held onto the armrest tightly, focusing on their conversation, and not the way his jaw was clenched, or the little tick of the  nerve on his forehead.  
  
"Maybe we'll be like LOST," she laughed. " _Although_ I don't think there was a lawyer character on it."  
  
He let go of the instructions paper as his eyebrows furrowed. "You're right. You could be Ana-Lucia – she was a cop, close enough."  
  
"Hope there's a doctor on here, somewhere..." She made a show for turning to scan her fellow passengers.  
  
He turned to also look, and soon nudged her shoulder with his. "The guy in the suit diagonal to me looks a doctor type. Don’t you think?"  
  
"Yeah, he's even got glasses on!" Emma agreed, laughing along with him.  
  
"And we have to make sure to find a way to kill the black smoke, once and for all," He said, completely distracted now as he went on a long rant of what they should and shouldn't do if this plane went down LOST style, making Emma smile at how easily the dork could still be distracted, even in only PG ways of course. The other ways would be… less appropriate for the venue.  
  
They moved onto were now discussing about what would happen if FRIENDS characters were stuck on an island LOST style, the earlier hesitancy and awkwardness completely gone, as they fell into easy conversation about fictional people. He stopped talking mid-sentence when the announcement for seat belts came on, and an air hostess emerged, performing the usual safety drills whilst the badly-acted safety videos played on their screens.  
  
Emma felt Killian still beside her, his hands clutching onto his arm rests on both sides,  and his eyes intently following along with the air-hostess and her demonstration.  
  
"Bloody hell," she heard him curse, as the plane began moving. The pilot picked up the speed, the takeoff mere moments away when Emma saw his eyes shut.  
  
She didn't know whether it was habit, or just her instinct to comfort him, or the unconscious need to simply touch him, just once, when she gently put her hand over his, interlacing her fingers with his. Her heart skipped a beat once she felt his hand turn slightly and his fingers tightly lock with clutching hers, his eyes now open, but staring straight ahead at the little black screen.  
  
The little sensation in her stomach when the plane took off felt ten times more potent with Killian's touch against her hand the only thing she could focus on. His hands were still a bit rough, still a bit warmer than hers, as usual, his brother's ring pressed coldly against her skin.  
  
Those hands had been everywhere – buried in her hair, cradling her cheek, cupping her breasts, drumming along her hip, _everywhere._    
  
But in that moment, as  his hand clutched hers, it was the simplest of innocent touches from which he drew his courage.  
  
Finally the belt sign disappeared, and Emma could see the air-hostesses getting up from their seats, heading towards the back of the plane to bring out the drinks cart.  
  
Killian was still holding onto her hand, his breathing returning to normal. now. His eyes flashed towards their joined hands, then to her, their eyes meeting for a fleeting moment, before he jerked his hand away, running it through his hair before it settled on and settling it in his lap.  
  
~~xx~~  
  
They didn't talk much the rest of the six hours flight. Killian pulled out his laptop, and Emma watched Pride and Prejudice. The Keira Knightley one - Matthew played an extremely sexy Darcy, right after Colin Firth, and she'd rather think about Darcy and his billowing coat tails and hard-won smiles , instead of thinking about the man sitting right beside her.  
  
She took a little nap after the movie, the excitement and nervousness of what was to come in the next two weeks, not allowing her much rest the night before. She rested her head against the window, making sure that even in sleep, her head wouldn’t seek his shoulder.  
  
They even ate quietly, making a few quips about how awful plane food was. At one point, his hand accidentally brushed hers as he took her vodka and sprite from the air-hostess to hand it to her. He recoiled immediately after handing her the drink, busying himself by talking to the air-hostess about nonsense. If anything, she didn’t seem to mind at all, and actually came back after a while with a rum for him unasked. Emma did her best to ignore it all,  and increased the volume on The Avengers, drowning out the other woman's laughs.  
  
As the descent was announced, Killian asked the same air-hostess he had been flirting with, for two more rums, which he gulped down immediately, one after the other. Then once the seat belt sign came on, he joined his hands together and kept them purposefully on his lap, his eyes wide open, staring pointedly ahead of him.  
  
Emma turned to the window, ignoring the itch in her fingers that just wanted to touch him, to soothe him, to rest her head on his shoulder and feel his arm come around her shoulder... _Fake_ _!_  She reminded herself, she shouldn't feel these things, shouldn't _want_ to feel these things _._ _She couldn't._  
  
Emma watched as the city came into view out the window, knowing her parents were probably already at the airport, waiting for their daughter and her ex-boyfriend.  
  
~~xx~~  
  
Luggage didn't take much time, and they managed to haul their suitcases onto one trolley. 

"Ready?" she extended her hand nervously, unsure whether he would take it or not.  
  
He took it, interlacing their fingers, Emma feeling the cool metal of his rings against her knuckles. "Aye. Two weeks Swan," he said, reiterating their mission, “For your parents"

Just two weeks.

~~xx~~


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of Emma's background in this one! And it's more Charming-Swan then CS but the focus should be back on CS next chapter :)

**Chapter 4**

Emma spotted her parents quickly – it was hard to ignore the excited waves and calls of her name. She let go of Killian's hand and jogged to her father, his hand coming up to cradle her head as he hugged her.

"David, move!" she heard her mother behind him, shoving her father away before bringing both her arms around Emma, enveloping her in a bone-crushing hug.

Mary Margaret started rubbing her daughter's back, still holding her close, and only after a self-conscious “ _Mom!_ ” from Emma, did she let her go, her eyes a bit watery.  
  


"It's almost been a year, Emma! Don't you _ever_ go this long without visiting again!"

Emma nodded her head in agreement, offering a little apologetic smile. Suddenly her mother snorted, making her turn to see the reason. She barely suppressed a snort herself as she saw her father awkwardly hug Killian, both men clapping each other on the back, expressions torn between being glad to see each other, and pretending they weren’t.

After both men separated with nods, and another back clap, Killian walked past her to her mother. "M'lady," he bowed in front of her mother, making her giggle. She grabbed onto his biceps and learned forward to kiss both of his cheeks, leaving a pink lipstick mark on one.

"I'm so glad you came Killian," she smiled, squeezing his biceps one last time before she let him go.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world."

"Alright now," David interrupted. "The drive to Storybrooke is two hours, and I'm sure Emma wants to stop to get a hot chocolate first."

"Oh god, yes!" Emma made a sound between a moan and a whine, earning a laugh from everyone at her childish eagerness.

"Shut up," she whacked Killian's shoulder as they turned to follow her parents, passing the cart to him to push, as punishment for laughing at her. He took it without question, straightening their cargo so Emma’s purse wouldn’t fall from the top of the pile..

"You have lipstick on your cheek," Emma noticed. She extended her hand towards his cheek, but stopped at the last moment, instead bringing her hand to her own cheek to show him the spot.

Killian quirked his eyebrow and rubbed at his cheek, just missing the spot.

"Not there," she huffed, ghosting her hand over his cheek, just inches away from the spot, and gesturing towards the area. After her hand dropped back, he rubbed at the pink spot but managed to just smudge it even more.

Emma finally gave up, and after licking her finger, brought it to the pink smear, rubbing her fingers over his cheek and scruff.

* * *

 

He tensed for a moment before relaxing into her touch, letting her rub her thumb and then the back of her hand against his cheek, removing all traces of the lipstick, her eyes set on her task, while his remained on her face. 

(She’s sure she imagined the little unnoticeable tilt of his head into her palm).

"C'mon guys!" Her mother's voice made them jump apart, Killian muttering a thanks before he walked towards the car with the cart.

~~xx~~

The car ride had been surprisingly comfortable – her mother spent all of the two hour trip talking about the preparations of the anniversary party, assigning Killian and Emma things to do already. Emma wondered if her mother was like this for her wedding – she would've definitely come close to earning the role of bridezilla (not really of course, her mother was too nice).

When Mary Margaret had tried to steer the conversation towards Emma and Killian, Emma quickly complained about the AC not being effective enough, leaning towards the dash to turn it up, successful in directing the conversation back to  the weather, and the summer events in town.

Her father finally pulled the truck into their driveway, in front of their double garage, jumping out immediately to open the trunk. He helped Emma and Killian drag their luggage inside, Mary Margaret rushing towards the porch to open the double doors for them.

As Emma took a step inside, she gasped. Her childhood house, although mostly the same, was for now covered in lightings, drapes, extra furniture, and boxes.

"Mom, what the hell?" Emma turned.

"I know, I know, I went a bit overboard," her mother replied sheepishly. "But I just…I mean, we don't know when the next big party is going to be! Who knows when we'll get another chance? It’s not like we have any idea when someone is going to get married..."

Emma froze, the implication behind her words not lost on her. _Marriage_. Yup. That was her mother all over. Always ready to inflict the marriage-kids-white-picket-fence life on another unwitting victim.

  
Thankfully, her father came to her rescue, "If you two lovely ladies would move aside so us poor men could drag the rest of the luggage inside?"

"Oh, why, is it too heavy for you, honey?" her mother teased, pushing Emma slightly behind the doors with her to give the men room to maneuver. Her father’s wink, and her mother’s blush did not escape Emma’s notice. Ah yes, the PDA was still embarrassingly strong with those two.

"Your bedroom, Emma," her mother informed her, winking once David let out a slight grunt. _So, same bedroom it was_ , Emma thought, for once in her life actually missing her father's protectiveness. Neal hadn’t even been allowed to stay over in the same house.

Remembering that person, Emma whispered to her mother, "Mom, is Neal…?"

"Oh no!" She shook her head angrily. "He’s _not_ invited! And he's not even in town right now. We see him around every once in a while, but he never stays for long.”

"Good," Emma sighed in relief, lifting her purse to go up the stairs, Mary Margaret following closely behind.

Her room was the same – the pictures of her parents and friends on the nightstand, the posters of Harry Potter on the walls, her little teddy Mr. Bartho sitting in the middle of her bed. A queen-sized bed. On which she would have to spend her nights with Killian for the next two weeks. Brilliant.

"You guys freshen up, I'm just going to heat up lunch," Mary Margaret informed them, dragging her husband with her, and shutting the door behind them.

Emma turned awkwardly towards Killian, watching him look around her room with an amused expression on his face. He laughed and picked something up from her table, meeting her gaze with a smirk. "Is this you?"

She walked towards him, stopping at a safe distance, and took a look at the picture. And yes indeed, it was a picture of her: a high school Emma with chubby cheeks, glasses, her long blond hair tied up in a high ponytail, and bangs that did little to cover the acne on her forehead.

"Oh god!" She snatched the picture from his hands. "That’s my Grade 9 ID picture! I was a late bloomer – I think I literally had just started growing boobs and wearing, like, actual bras. I remember this kid used to make fun of my boobs just ‘cause my right one was bigger than the left!" Emma rambled a bit, the picture bringing out ridiculous laughable memories.

Killian grinned. "Well, on the contrary Swan, I personally believe your breasts are quite specta-" He halted mid-sentence, his eyebrows and smile falling immediately in realization. His jaw clenched a few times as he stared at her shoes, unwilling to meet her eyes.

Emma blinked rapidly, staring at him silently until he finally looked back up at her face, his jaw still set and his eyebrows furrowed. He opened his mouth a couple of times, as to say something but then thought the better of it. Emma also wondered if she should say something – make a sassy remark, or change the topic altogether to break the thick tension in the air.

"Lunch is ready," came a knock on the door, with her father peeking in. Emma mentally thanked her father for the interruption, and followed him downstairs before either she or Killian could say something stupid.

~~xx~~

"Water should be fine, mate, thank you," Killian answered politely to her father's inquiry about choice of beverage, taking a seat beside Emma around the circular dining table.

Emma looked at the food and almost groaned, missing her mother's cooking and forgetting her manners momentarily as she served herself first.

"So, how are things between you two?" Mary Margaret asked, her gaze intent on both of their faces, almost calculating.

Emma remembered the slight jab about marriage she made earlier, and after clearing her throat, replied, "Good."

Her mother didn't look too pleased with that answer, sharing a look with David, who closed his eyes in mild annoyance. Emma dropped her fork, suddenly feeling as if she'd done something wrong already. They were acting like she was still a teenager, and she’d been caught making out with Neal on the couch again, or something.

"Don't be shy love, it's going great!" Killian grinned, breaking the momentary silence. "How could it not? Your daughter is an exceptional woman." He leaned towards her and pressed a quick kiss to her cheek, brushing her hair away from her shoulder afterwards in an affectionate way.

Emma felt the blush rising on her cheeks from the very brief touch of his lips on her skin, and hoped her parents thought she was just embarrassed at what her boyfriend said or did, and not because she had butterflies in her stomach now after Killian had kissed her after so damn long.

Her mother smiled brightly, seeming happier already,"Oh, thank goodness! I had the most horrible thought that you guys had broken up!"

Emma almost choked on her broccoli and cheddar casserole, surreptitiously glancing towards Killian, whose eyebrows had shot up momentarily, but within seconds had schooled his features back into a neutral expression. _Damn is that what they taught you in law school?_

"Mary Margaret!" David shook his head at his wife, then turned towards the couple. "She's been worried that things between you two weren't going well" he explained.

Emma cleared her throat, hoping her voice wasn’t shaking too much "Why?"

"It was stupid! You didn't used to mention Killian unless I asked you about him, and you did seem a bit sad, and you avoided my questions…" Her mother drifted off, looking at Emma's completely flushed face.

"Stopped mentioning me to your parents, huh, love? I'm not that much of an insufferable arse!" Killian teased, nudging his shoulder with hers, breaking the tension and making her parents smile.

"Keep telling yourself that, buddy," Emma shot back, turning towards him and grinning and he grinned back, his eyes teasing.

Her mother smiled widely then, pleased by whatever she saw, and after sharing a look with her husband, continued her meal.

~~xx~~

After lunch, Emma took a shower, leaving Killian with her parents. He’d be fine. Even during lunch he managed to charm them with his lawyer stories, joined them in teasing Emma playfully, and otherwise played his part as the doting, charming boyfriend. It wasn’t hard. Everyone who ever met Killian Jones couldn’t help but fall in love with him instantly.  She took the opportunity, as she stood letting the scalding water fall on her skin, to wash away the exhaustion of the day, and warn herself about being more careful the next time her mother asked her about their relationship.

But she lied a lot for her profession, and so did Killian – they could lie their way through this.

Dressed in her night shorts and a tank top, Emma finally headed downstairs. Her mother was showing Killian the samples for the new drapes, which he pretended to be interested in, making the appropriate comments and queries. As Emma approached them, he ran a quick gaze over her; his eyes lingering a bit too long on her exposed legs and the deep v-neck of her tank, and a minute later he excused himself to take a shower of his own.

"I was just telling Killian about it," her mother started, patting the newly vacated seat beside her., "There's a little get-together at Granny's tomorrow. Granny really wants to meet him, especially since I told her how much I loved the apple pie he made when we visited you. And of course, Uncle Leroy will be there and some other townsfolk who have been eager to meet you both.”

"Mom!" Emma protested. She hated those things – during high school she used to be bombarded with the usual " _Have you thought about your future_?", or " _What colleges  are you applying to?_ " questions by everyone. Then when she was in college and used to come back for the summer, the questions changed to, " _So when are you gonna come back?_ ", or " _What do you even do with a criminology degree?_ ", or " _Are you and Neal gonna get married here or in the city?_ ". She didn't even want to think about the questions she would have to face with her new, sexy, British lawyer boyfriend.

"I know, honey, but there is no way out of it." Her mother took her hands in her own. "On the bright side, Granny's making lasagna! And Ruby's there, so you'll have a friend."

Emma nodded slightly. It was a little silver lining. She hadn't seen Ruby since she moved back to Storybrooke a couple of months ago. Granny had needed help running the diner, and Ruby had made the decision to move back and help her out, Victor following behind her.

"Alright, whatever," Emma sighed. "But if anyone gets punched in the face for asking too many stupid questions, it’s not my fault!"

~~xx~~

After chatting some more with her mother, the older woman excused herself to take a call from the Mayor, Ms. Cora Mills, Regina’s mother - an overly strict woman that ruled over Storybrooke with an iron fist, and Emma hated her. Killian was still upstairs using her shower, and not wanting to run into him when he was in nothing but his towel, because her self-control wasn’t _that_ good, Emma instead headed out into the backyard.

The Nolan house, or as Emma liked to call it, the Nolan-Swan house, was quite large, with more rooms than they really needed, and two bathrooms. But the yard was truly huge.

Mary Margaret had spent a lot of time out there when Emma was little, making it just so. She let David handle the worst of the heavy labor, but even a very young Emma had a role to play in helping create the space. It was enclosed with well-cut shrubs, the grass was trimmed perfectly, there were stone walkways and sculptures around the corners. There was an area with a grill and an outdoor set beside it, and at the farthest corner of the yard  there was even a little artificial pond with a few fish in it, surrounded by flowers.

Right then, however, ropes, steel pegs and a folded up tarp were scattered throughout in preparation for the party, and something akin to an altar was forming near the pond.

Emma sat down on one of the stone steps near the house, the sun still strong at 5 p.m., making her itch for sun block, and a cold drink.

"Your mother told you about the little party at Granny's tomorrow, huh?" Emma jumped slightly at her father's voice behind her. He came to sit beside her, offering her a beer which she took with a grateful smile.

"Yeah," she said, untwisting the cap. "I didn't think that would be the first thing I'd have to deal with."

"Think of it as, at least you’ll be getting it out of the way early," her father smiled, knowing all too well how much she hated all those parties in Storybrooke."So, how's New York treating you, kid?"

Emma took a big sip of her beer, the topic still being a sensitive one. Her parents, specifically her father, were always wary of Neal. So when a 18 year old Emma told them she was moving to Boston, instead of New York for her degree, just to be closer to Neal, they had accused her of sacrificing her dreams over a boy. Naturally, Emma didn’t see it that way, being head over heels in love, and after a huge fight with her parents, she followed Neal to Boston.

The moment everything had gone to hell– when the cops had raided their apartment to find hard drugs stashed under their fucking mattress, and all over the house, they had dragged her with them to the police station.  At first, Neal couldn’t be found. When he did eventually show up, he’d blamed her for the drugs, playing the innocent and clueless boyfriend.

Emma had been too ashamed to even call her parents for bail – their relationship had been so strained since the fight. And admitting to them that not only was Neal an asshole, but that he was an asshole who was going to let her take the fall for his crime? That was something Emma couldn’t bring herself to admit. So, out of options, she’d made a call to Regina instead, and to her credit, Regina Mills had saved the day. She even took care of calling her parents back home for her, and found her a sympathetic lawyer.

The police, after some gentle urging from Regina’s mother’s media contacts, were able to do a more thorough investigation, proving once and for all who the real culprit had been. And with some last drop of humanity left in her ex, he'd admitted finally that Emma had nothing to do with it, leaving her free to go. When she finally walked free, to find her parents already there waiting, she was expecting _I told you so_ 's, or disapproving lectures, or accusations, but instead her mother had broken down and hugged her tight, letting Emma cry onto her shoulder.

Within the month, Emma moved to New York – NYU allowing her to complete the last year of her studies there due to her excellent academic record, and Regina and Ruby none-so-subtly forced out their third roommate, so Emma could finally live with them as they'd all originally planned.

In the matter of a few hours, a few very ugly hours in jail, Emma's only and almost six year long relationship ended.

After that entire ordeal with Neal, Emma changed her last name. She didn’t want to be that same naive girl anymore, and she didn’t want any of Neal’s shady dealings coming back to bite her, or her parents, once he was put away. It was bittersweet, letting go of the name, but it also gave her a fresh start - new name, new city, new Emma.

A new Emma with walls sky high, and trust issues. And parents who worried too much.

"Emma?" her father nudged her shoulder, breaking her out from her trip down memory lane. "How's New York?"

"It's amazing, and I love it," she answered. He seemed unconvinced. "No, I mean it’s loud, and obnoxious, and a bit dangerous, but I honestly love it!"

"I'm glad to hear that," he smiled. "Your mother misses you a lot, you know? She still tells all the kids in her class all about you."

Emma smiled. "Yeah, that sounds like her."

"Well, now it’s not just you! Since we came back from your birthday in New York, she's been telling everyone about Killian as well," he laughed, shaking his head at his wife's adorable antics.

Emma gulped down her beer, suddenly feeling uncomfortably warm. "She really likes him, doesn't she?"

"Yeah, she does. But we all know your mother is the easy one to impress," her father grinned. "He's still got to go through me."

"Really, dad? You're going to pretend like you don't like him?" She looked at him, eyebrow raised in a challenge.

"I like him – but I'm still assessing him. I'm your father Emma, you can't expect me to be so charmed with your boyfriend as your mother is."

"Oh, so you always asking me about him, and then you hugging him at the airport, that was just some frenemies kind of thing?" she teased him. "I think you might love Killian even more than Mom."

"Emma, what are you saying? I'm a married man!" David winked, calling out to Mary Margaret to join them quickly so he could save his ass.

~~xx~~

"It's as lovely as Emma said it would be," Killian remarked, taking a seat beside her father as he scanned their beautifully decorated and landscaped backyard. He had changed into a new pair of jeans and a grey t-shirt, his hair still wet from the shower.

"Thank you!" Mary Margaret smiled widely, offering him a beer, "David and I created it just after we had Emma. It was hard work, but it was so worth it.. Now we just have August come in to take care of it most of the time."

"August still here?" Emma asked, turning towards her mother beside her.

"Oh yes! He does ask about you once in awhile. He'll be there tomorrow," her mother smiled.

Killian gave her a look. "August?" he asked, his eyebrows furrowing as he tried to remember.

"Oh yes, he had a crush on Emma back in elementary school!" Mary Margaret chimed in. "But that was just a childish infatuation, he and Emma were great friends later on in high school."

"It'd be nice to catch up. I haven't seen him since forever!" Emma said, a little guiltily. _How many relationships had she let fall by the wayside in favor of Neal?_

They all stayed out there in the yard until Emma's stomach grumbled, the four bottles of beer churning in her belly doing nothing to sate her hunger. David pointedly ignored Emma and Killian's offer of help, telling them to take all the rest they could before they got swept up in party planning, before following his wife into the house.

Since the comment about her breasts, Emma hadn't found herself alone with Killian, thus making the air a bit tense between the two of them.

"What is that?" Killian pointed towards the semi-circular structure laying flat down on the ground, and a few white white gauzy curtains strung between some poles near the pond.

Emma felt the back of her neck get warm. "It's uh, it's the thing above the altar with the flowers, I think," she said, not meeting his gaze. "My parents are renewing their vows."

"Oh," he simply said, not meeting her eyes either. "I thought it was some kind of a children's swing"

_What?_ Emma turned towards him, her eyebrows raised and her mouth slightly agape. Feeling her gaze on him, Killian turned as well, biting his lip once he took in her disbelieved expression. At the same moment that he said _“What?”_ , Emma snorted.

"How is that a children's swing, Killian?" she asked, her lower lip trembling as she tried to control her laughter at his absurd interpretation.

"It's curved," he tried to explain. "I thought it was one of those round things for children, you know the ones where they all sit, and it goes round and round?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Emma shook her head, still trying to control her outburst as she allowed herself to laugh a little between words.

"Here," Killian stood up abruptly, grabbing her hand and pulling her along with him. He walked them until they reached the structure, "Look at this," he said, dropping her hand to touch the curved side of it, not even noticing that he was holding it in the first place. "This looks like the part where children sit, and there should've been a handle in the middle to spin it, but I couldn't see it from that far…also the other side, oh shit, there's a curtain over it…But Swan, not my fault! I couldn't bloody well see from all the way the-"

Emma shrugged her shoulders at him, shocked he was still trying to explain his absurd interpretation before she couldn't hold it any longer and burst out laughing. Killian stopped talking once she started laughing, staring at her with an amused expression as she tried to form a coherent sentence while she laughed.

"Oh my god, you're such an idiot," she smiled, brushing the few tears that escaped her eyes. She finally looked at him, her heart still beating a bit faster, but her laughter mostly under control. The expression on his face almost knocked her off her feet – his lips had formed into a sweet little smile, like the ones he used to give to her, and his eyes were softer, the blue of them shining more, as he looked at her with something that might be easy to mistake for adoration.

_Nope._ Emma brushed the thought aside. It was probably just a trick of the sunlight falling on his face, which made him look that way – they way he had right before he would say something sincere, or sweet. Something like he loves her.

The things he used to say before she had fucked everything up so royally.

Her smile instantly dropped from her face. "I'll go check if my parents need any help," she mumbled, turning away without waiting for a response.

~~xx~~

After quite a filling and delicious dinner, and some coffee afterwards in front of the television, her parents stood up for their goodnights. Emma and Killian followed them upstairs – the day had taken the toll on them both.

The door to Emma’s room was near the top of the stairs, her parent’s room all the way at the end of the hall, the guest room between them. She’d always been grateful for that extra buffer, especially in her teenage years.

Her parents stopped in front of her room, Emma halting behind them with Killian at her side. Her hands were clasped together almost painfully by what was about to happen, and her breathing was a bit heavier. She prayed her parents wouldn’t notice it, but of course, her father did.

"Emma, are you alright?"

"I'm fine," she lied. "It's just way hotter than New York here."

"The AC stays on the entire night at the set temperature, but you can always change it, honey," her mother smiled. "Have a good night!"

"Good night, Mom."

"Good night, m'lady."

"Oh Killian, will you stop that!" her mother scolded without heat in her tone. "It's Mary Margaret!"

"Mary Margaret," Killian smiled. "And good night, mate."

David nodded. "Just so you know, the walls are pretty thin, and we can hear everything, so-," he cut off with a wince once his wife smacked his arm, dragging him away with her as she winked at them and reassured them that they weren't that thin.

Emma headed inside her room immediately, not wanting Killian or her parents to see her cheeks burning.

~~xx~~

Emma slouched on the bed as the bathroom door shut behind Killian. After that little comment from her father, Emma had headed straight to the bathroom to brush her teeth and take her bra off. When she'd come outside, Killian was already changed into his black sweatpants and a t-shirt, offering her a little smile as he picked up his toothbrush from her dressing table and switched places with her.

Not wanting for him to find her freaking out slightly about the sleeping arrangements, and how it was all beginning to feel a little too domestic and familiar, reminding her of their old nightly routines, she searched through her bag for the book she bought, and after sitting on her bed with her back to the bed rest, started to read.

Killian came out of the bathroom a few minutes later, scratching behind his ear as he regarded her. Taking pity on him, and wanting to just be done with the inevitable, Emma shut her book and laid it down on the bedstand, moving to the edge of the bed and sliding down under the sheet, silently indicating for him to take the other side. The bed was not too spacious for two people, as the pillows were touching each other, the corner of one overlapping the other.

She thanked him silently when he sat on his side of the bed, glad that he’d decided to forgo his usual boxers for the more conservative ensemble.

After a few moments, she felt the bed slump, Killian's head hitting the pillow beside hers. He stared at the ceiling for a few moments before he shifted slightly, his hand coming into contact with hers. Emma snatched hers back quickly, pressing it to her chest.

"Sorry, love," Killian muttered quickly, turning his head to throw her an apologetic smile.

"Don't worry about it," she smiled back, trying to ignore how close he was. If she moved, just a little, she could touch his face, run her hand through his scruffy jaw just like she used to. Instead she sat up and dragged the thin sheets over them both. No matter the heat, Emma always needed a blanket over herself, and she knew Killian did too. She pulled the sheet up to her chest and smoothed the other side of it towards Killian's chest, his hand coming over hers again accidently. "Shit, sorry love."

"Killian, stop apologizing to me!" she said, taking his hand in hers to prove her point. "You've got nothing to be sorry for. You're helping me out here big time, so I don't wanna hear any “Sorry”s or “Thank you”s from you, got it??"

He smirked slightly. "Aye."

With a last squeeze to his hand she let it go, burying hers back under her head. They lay like that for a few moments, him on his back staring at the ceiling, and her on her side, still slightly facing him, but not looking anywhere in particular.

Finally Killian spoke. "Perhaps we should switch the lights off?"

"Oh yeah," Emma muttered. "The switch is by the door."

"Alright, love, you should do it," he said, bringing a hand over his eyes.

"Excuse me? You're the one who is closer to the door!" she retorted back.

"Uh, this is _your_ house, Swan."

" _Exactly!_ So my house, my rules. You switch the lights off!" she challenged him.

"That seems more like a command than a rule. And is that any way to treat your esteemed and loving guest? Tsk, tsk," he teased her.

Emma flicked his arm until his eyes met hers, the baby blues shining with mischief. "Killian, go!"

"I'm already settled in, love. You go!"

"Well, I was settled in before you! You were the last one out of the bathroom!" she hit him lightly on the shoulder.

"Alright, alright, no need for physical violence" he feigned hurt. "It's always me," he joked, as he pushed the sheet aside and in two strides had already reached the light switch, turning it off.

"You're switching it off tomorrow," he stated as he slipped back into bed.

"We'll see."

He chuckled as he pulled the sheet back up, smoothing it down over himself and then her, his hand slipping from the sheet to lay flat down on her chest, just above the top of her breasts. He removed it quickly. "Goodnight," he whispered, turning towards the other side.

She couldn’t deny she felt a tiny pang of disappointment at the sight of his turned back, but it was probably for the best.

"Goodnight, Killian," she whispered, turning the other way as well. _Just in case._

~~~xxx~~~`


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a longer chapter but a lot does happen :)

**Chapter 5**   
  


The first thing Emma noticed when she woke up was how warm she was. She blearily opened her eyes, it taking her a moment to adjust to the sunshine filtering in through the windows, and in the next moment she froze, realizing the sun was not wholly responsible for the heat spreading across her body.

Killian was pressed snugly behind her from head to toe, an arm slung across her waist, his hand somehow having found its way under her shirt resting below her bare breasts, one of his fingers lingering dangerously close to a nipple. His hips dug into hers, giving her a good impression of his morning wood through his boxers which, when combined with his hot breath fanning over her neck, rather explained why she had practically sweated through her clothes. It was like sharing a bed with a furnace. 

She pushed her hips back into his, once, almost by instinct, and heard a grunt slip past his lips as her ass wiggled against his erection. She could feel his breathing speed up, and knowing he could wake anytime soon, she turned in his arms to face him, remembering just how much she used to love watching him sleep in those few rare mornings she had woken up before him. 

It was only when she’d finally managed to move to lay flat on her back that Killian’s hand on her stomach twitched and he snapped his eyes open, taking in their situation with rapidly returning consciousness.  And yet, it sure seemed like he was still dreaming. 

Emma lay flat on her back beside him, her tank top ridden up,  his hand having snuck its way underneath the fabric somehow in his sleep, as if he was halfway to copping a feel. And then there was the matter of his face, which definitely seemed to be nuzzled into her neck. 

  
But his humiliation didn’t end there. As to be expected when waking with a beautiful lass curled up next to him, he had a bit of a situation going on down there. _Bloody mornings_. 

Killian was just thankful that at least he wasn’t pressed up behind her, with his morning wood pressed into her ass. Back when they’d been together, waking up this way had inevitably led to some of the best mornings of his life. But that had been before. Now it would just be awkward.

* * *

 

“My apologies, love” he mumbled, slipping his hand out from underneath her shirt, scratching behind his ear as he propping himself up on his other elbow.   
  


“Um, yeah, it’s fine” Emma muttered, jumping off the bed and adjusting her shirt. She could feel his gaze lingering on her bra-less breasts through her shirt for a moment as she pulled her tank top down, fighting the urge to cover herself up from his heated gaze. 

  
“I’ll just go to the bathroom” she announced quickly, grabbing her towel from the chair and locking herself in. 

  
She _really_ needed a cold shower.    
  


~~xx~~

Emma headed downstairs, the smell of eggs and bacon wafting from the kitchen. As she walked in, her father was pouring coffee into a mug while her mother turned over the bacon on the stove. Emma smiled to herself, missing this sight which used to be quite the usual on the weekends.  

  
“Good morning guys,” she greeted them, settling her chin on her mother’s shoulder to inspect the bacon and eggs frying in the pan “Need any help?”   
  


“Could you get the bagels going?” her mother smiled, flipping the bacon.   
Emma set about her task, plugging in the toaster and cutting the bagels into halves. Her father settled the coffee on the table. “Two sugars and one cream, kid?” 

  
Emma eyed the mug for a moment, suspiciously. “Er… Aren’t you forgetting one?”

  
“Your mother is forcing me to drink green tea instead of coffee,” David rolled his eyes in mock disgust.

  
“Hey! It’s good for you!” her mother rebutted. 

  
“Look at me! I’m perfectly fit. I don’t need that nonsense,” he said, earning a little smack on his shoulder from his wife.

  
“Killian prefers tea as well, right?”

  
“That would be correct,” Killian’s voice came from the stairs, David and Emma turning to watch him walk towards them. “Good morning, m’lady,” he bowed to Mary Margaret making the woman blush. 

  
Although after looking at the box of green tea sitting on the counter, Killian clarified, “Actually I prefer English Breakfast tea, myself.”

  
“See! Not even the Englishman likes green tea!” David nudged Mary Margaret with his elbow. “I prefer Earl Grey,” he told Killian. 

  
“Alright, not my fault you men don’t have any consideration of your health!” Mary Margaret said, stretching on her tip-toes to retrieve a jar full of different tea packets from the top cupboard, handing it to her husband, who kissed the pout off her face and set about making the tea. 

  
“Seems like your daughter didn’t inherit your sense of good health, since she drinks that hot cocoa concoction of hers every day,” Killian teased, winking at David. 

  
“Hey!” Emma kicked his calf. “They aren’t _that_ bad”

  
Killian merely offered her a grin, helping her smother cream cheese on the bagels, their elbows brushing every so often with the task. 

  
“If you check the fridge, they might have the herbs one you like...” Emma murmured conspiratorially once he took the last bagel to smother the cream cheese onto. 

  
Emma caught the little smile on his face before he turned to the fridge, and found herself smiling for no reason at all. 

  
They all settled at the dining table again,  plates piled high with eggs, bacon, and bagels. David distributed the teas. 

  
They made small talk whilst eating, keeping it to the hot weather and the upcoming party at Granny’s. Emma rolled her eyes at the mention of the party and Mary Margaret smacked her hand in playful anger, reminding Emma of her teenage years when her rolling eyes were met with a smack on her hand and her father’s either stern or amused expression, depending on the seriousness of the situation. 

  
Emma and Killian insisted on cleaning up, her parents taking the opportunity to drive into town. They still needed to finalize the flower arrangements for their anniversary party with the florist, and pick up ingredients for the apple pies Killian and Mary Margaret had agreed to bake for Granny’s potluck.

  
They worked silently beside each other, Emma stacking up the dishes in the dishwasher, and Killian sweeping the kitchen floor clean. They didn’t need words - quite used to working together on domestic tasks. 

  
After the kitchen and dining room were up to her mother’s exacting standards, Emma made her way to the living room and switched on Netflix. Killian followed her quietly and sat beside her, nudging her knee with the can of Coke in his hand. 

  
“Coke? It’s not even noon!” Emma said, turning towards him. But she still took the cold can from him, pressing it to her forehead. It was so damn hot. 

  
“Aye, but I feel like I’m in India with the heat here,” Killian said, resting his feet on the coffee table in front. “A coke in the morning can be forgiven in this heat.”

  
“Oh no, trust me, Belle’s been to India, she said it’s way worse.” She put her feet up too, their toes almost brushing. 

  
“What do you wanna watch?” she asked him, scrolling through the selections. 

  
“Whatever you wish, love. I have no preference,” he smiled. 

  
She stopped once she came across _How to Get Away With Murder_ , her head instantly turning towards his. 

  
She watched as he clenched his jaw, “Have you…?”

  
“No,” he answered levelly, keeping his gaze fixed on the screen. They had started the show together months ago, on Regina’s insistence.  But they’d only made it up to the season’s penultimate episode, because they’d broken up the day after it aired.

  
“Me neither,” she told him, turning back towards the screen not wanting to see his reaction. She felt his eyes land on the side of her face, as if he was assessing her, trying to figure her out, but she kept her focus on the screen. 

  
It probably wasn’t a good pick. There was no need to go down memory lane, to recall exactly why it had taken them so long to binge-watch their way through the first two seasons. Emma had never really been able to concentrate on the show properly, what with them snuggled together on her couch to watch it – her foot either rubbing his legs, his hand casually stroking the bare skin just below her breasts, her ass wiggling against his crotch, or his lips ghosting over her neck. 

  
She settled for _FRIENDS_ , a far safer option, and chose a random episode. The One with the Baby started playing and after a while she got lost in it. 

  
~~xx~~

  
After two episodes of _FRIENDS_ , Emma had annoyed Killian enough by reciting every line of dialogue as it was spoken, making him huff and roll his eyes as she just laughed at his exasperation. So much so that as soon as the credits rolled on the episode he stood up and declared that it was his pick. Which was how they came to be watching _Insidious_. 

  
He’d even stood up to close the blinds, to really set the creepy mood, while Emma microwaved some popcorn and conjured two glasses of Sprite with lots of ice and a lemon slice attached to the rims. She debated adding some vodka to hers. She might need a little Dutch Courage to make it through the movie. And to distract her from the man who would be sitting beside her; but she suspected her parents would be upset to find her drinking in the middle of the day.

  
She sat down beside Killian, keeping the bowl of popcorn between their knees as they both sat cross-legged on the couch. Emma knew a screamer screen was coming, the anticipation building up on the screen and all she wanted to do was grab Killian’s arm and bury her head into his shoulder, but instead she grabbed a cushion from behind her and hugged it to her chest. She basically had that cushion in a death grip when the scary lady finally popped on the screen, making Killian laugh at her. In response, she just threw a handful  of popcorn at his head. 

  
Halfway through the movie, Killian placed the empty bowl of popcorn on the coffee table and when he sat back down, his knee came to res on her thigh. Emma didn’t move away, and nor did he, and it stayed that way throughout the movie. 

  
~~xx~~

  
“A horror movie? In the middle of the day?” Mary Margaret exclaimed once she entered the living room with a few grocery bags. Killian stood up immediately, taking them from her and heading towards the kitchen. Emma paused the movie and called out to her dad who was just entering the house, “Any more bags?”

  
“Nope,” he answered, shutting the door behind him. 

  
“I saw you had blueberries in your fridge, so instead of making two apple pies, shall we make one apple and one blueberry?” Killian asked Mary Margaret, separating the ingredients for the pies from the rest of the grocery. 

  
“Of course!” her mother smiled. “Leroy prefers blueberries anyways.”

  
“You’d want to put bacon in it if you want Uncle Leroy to like it,” Emma snorted, her father chuckling behind her as her mother huffed. 

  
“Okay, both of you sassy pants need to get out so the smart ones here can work,” her mother laughed, pushing David and Emma outside the kitchen as Killian chuckled. 

  
~~xx~~

  
Reasonably sure she could leave Killian alone with her mother for a while without the world ending, Emma took the opportunity to check in with Graham to make sure everything was still okay without her, before she was roped into helping her Dad carry all the alcohol he’d stockpiled for the anniversary party into his office, which he rarely used.   

  
All the trips from outside the house to inside in the heat had made Emma sweaty, and no way was she going to a party with her hair all disgusting, so she passed on watching some TV with her father to head up to her room and shower before getting ready for the night. 

  
She stripped in the bedroom, throwing her clothes onto the ground, and grabbed her phone. She knew there was no reason to worry, but she saw no harm in being extra cautious as she texted Ruby, reminding her about the Killian situation, and to be careful not to let anything slip, before she threw her phone on the bed and headed to the shower.  

  
Fresh from the shower, Emma peeked her head around the bathroom door to ensure Killian wasn’t in the room, and finding it empty, she walked towards her bed. She changed into a plain black sleeveless top and a blue skirt with some sort of floral pattern on the edges where it rested just above her knee. It wasn’t her usual style, but it was a gift from Belle, and it was appropriate for a potluck at Granny’s. She dried her hair and used her travel size curler on the first few strands, then applied the basic eyeliner, mascara, and lipstick. As she did so, she wondered who she was trying to kid. All these people at the party were townspeople with whom she had grown up – they had seen it all, from her toddler days to her embarrassing teenage years. 

  
She was just deciding between her black pumps, red heels, or raiding her mother’s shoe collection when a knock sounded on the door, and Killian stuck his head inside. After his eyes met hers, and he trailed his gaze over her, he let himself in. 

  
“You don’t have to knock, you know.” Emma pointed out. “This is your room too.”. 

  
“Had to ensure you were decent, love,” he shrugged, not meeting her eyes and instead opening his suitcase to take out his own clothes. “Jeans and a black shirt should suffice right?” he asked. 

  
“Yeah, it’s not formal or anything Mr. Lawyer.”

  
He rolled his eyes at her and she huffed, “What to you think? The black or the red?” She held the shoes up for his inspection.

  
His gaze drifted to her shoes and then finally to her, taking in her appearance from head to toe, sending shivers down Emma’s spine when his tongue peeked out, “Black.”

  
“Classic.” she breathed, pushing her toes inside the pumps. “Well, see you downstairs.”

  
~~xx~~

  
It took a total of fifteen minutes to reach Granny’s, and a few seconds to pull David’s truck into his usual parking spot. Most people lived close by the diner, so probably had just walked. A slight breeze was in the air now, masking the heat from earlier on. 

  
Emma stepped out of the car, trying to hide a smile as she took in the extra decorations strung outside for the party. She watched as her mom held one pie and her father the other, their idle hands clasped together as they headed towards the door. 

  
Without thinking, Emma slid her hand into Killian’s, dragging him along with her, a tiny bit excited to introduce him to all her friends. 

  
~~xx~~

  
It was better than Emma had any right to hope for.  

  
Everyone had surrounded her at first, hugging her, squeezing her shoulders, and bombarding her with “ _How are you?”s_ and “ _It’s so good to see you!”s_ and _“We missed you!”s_ , before they turned their attention to the man stood waiting behind her, only his tell-tale ear scratch betraying his nerves. 

  
Leroy was the first to approach him, and after assessing the strength of his handshake, he had muttered something about him being a Brit, and sauntered off with a roll of his eyes in his usual grumpy way, grabbing an entire pie and settling on a stool at the counter to demolish it. 

Granny was next, assessing him over the rim of her glasses, openly scrutinizing his body with a hand on her hip. Killian had bowed in front her the same way he did with Mary Margaret, offering a hand to the older woman, who took it a little uncertainly.  After he pressed a quick kiss to her knuckle with a “m’lady”, Granny had burst into an uncharacteristic giggle, and nodded her head towards Emma, before joking, “I’m keeping this one!”

  
Ruby had hugged them both, wiggling her eyebrows, her eyes practically screaming _I know your secret_ , but thankfully, she didn’t say anything. Victor hugged them both as well, winking as he left to help out Ruby in the kitchen.

  
At one point, a few people came over to inspect the remaining apple pie, and began commenting on the perfect crust and the amazing aroma, and Killian ate up the attention.  That was, until someone asked him who’d taught him to bake so well, and his smile fell from his lips. He masked the moment of weakness quickly, with a lie about the Internet being very useful, but Emma, as always, caught his fake smile and the little flash of sorrow in his eyes. It also helped that she knew the truth. How his late brother had a real knack for baking, a skill he in turn had shared with his younger brother.

  
Emma slipped her hand through his, squeezing it softly. “You alright?” she whispered.

  
“Aye, love,” he squeezed her hand back, his soft smile almost convincing.

  
~~xx~~

  
She should’ve known. 

  
Emma was sitting in a booth beside Killian as he munched on Granny’s lasagna, sharing a few dopey smiles and cheek kisses here and there to keep up appearances. Whenever townsfolk came to talk to them, Emma turned it up a notch, leaning back to rest her head against his shoulder while he contented himself with rubbing a strand of her blonde hair through his fingers, and going for the occasional forehead kiss. It occurred to her at one point they might be overdoing it with the PDA, but one glance at her parents practically pawing at each other by the jukebox…they were good. 

  
They were in conversation with Kathryn when Ruby had winked at them both mischievously before holding her glass of wine up in the air and asking for everyone’s attention, and Emma felt the cold stab of dread in her chest.

  
“So, we all have gathered here today under the guise of bringing the townspeople all together, but let’s be real, we all came here to meet Emma’s boyfriend,” she snickered, some laughs amongst the crowd. “This has been the season of love, I must say – our beloved Mary Margaret spending her 30th anniversary with her Prince Charming, Regina and Robin celebrating their two years as a married couple back in the city, Victor and I almost a year,” she sent a blowing kiss to him and he pretended to catch it. “Doc finally making progress with that stubborn Granny...” she winked at her grandmother who blushed for a moment before she clasped her hands together and glared at everyone. “And of course, Emma and Killian who have surpassed the two year mark, am I right?”

  
“Yes!” Mary Margaret answered excitedly, offering a huge grin to them both and then to Ruby.

  
“Do I even need to say this: we all want a kiss, we _demand_ a kiss!” Ruby shouted, throwing a saucy grin towards Emma and Killian. 

  
Killian’s fingers that were drumming against her shoulder had stopped, and when Emma turned towards him, she saw he was blushing slightly, making the women in the room coo. 

  
Emma knew at some point she would _have_ to kiss him – there was only so long they could get away with simple hand-holding, and forehead or cheek kisses. But a public spectacle? That seemed a little uncalled for. She was going to kill Ruby, and she wasn’t even going to bother making it look like an accident. 

Emma stood up from her seat with her hands raised, feeling Killian’s chest pressing to her back as he rose to stand as well, “C’mon Ruby, what is this? Some cheesy rom-com?”

  
Everyone laughed, a few shouts of _“C’mon Emma!”_ and _“Kiss the girl, Jones!”_ echoing. 

  
She looked helplessly at her mother who was just grinning widely, and her father who was sitting with his head bowed down and his arms crossed over his arms. At least he had the right idea. He and Killian might be mates now, but that didn’t mean he wanted to see the man kissing his daughter.

  
“Ruby...” Emma warned, but her friend ignored her tone.

  
“KISS!” She shouted again, making Victor laugh behind her.

    
“Kiss her like a man!” Someone shouted, and Emma tried to convince herself not to punch that man, and tell him exactly what kind of a man he was. 

  
She felt Killian encircle her waist from behind, and before she knew what he was doing, he pressed a kiss to her cheek before resting his chin on her shoulder, his scruff scraping against her cheek. “A gentleman doesn’t kiss in front of an audience,” he smiled, earning him some disappointed boos from the crowd. He ducked away from their anger, hiding his face in her hair, his lips touching her neck as they both smiled and blushed.

  
Emma could see Ruby was about to repeat her demand just when - 

  
“A real gentleman, huh?” Leroy spoke, walking towards the couple and causing Killian to peek out from where he was hiding in the cascade of her hair. “Let’s see how you handle your drink. Ruby! You know what to do!” 

  
“Shots!” Ruby shouted gleefully, mercifully distracted, and Emma vowed to not make too much fun of Uncle Leroy. He’d just saved her ass, even if he didn’t know it.

  
Leroy challenged more people to come and join them as Ruby went hunting for the shot glasses and liquor. Although it took almost every fiber of her being to do so, she removed Killian’s hands gently from around her waist and turned towards him, smiling before she pressed a kiss to his cheek. He smiled back at her and with a final grin to him, she settled down beside her mother as Leroy screamed again about the shots contest. 

  
Killian refused at first, chuckling as the shorter man poured liquid into shot glasses. 

  
“Scared, _mate_?” Leroy teased, “I’ve heard you Brits can’t handle your liquor.”

  
“I assure you, Sir, we most certainly can,” Killian replied cheekily, deliberately thickening his accent. 

  
“Let’s place bets to make it more interesting,” Ruby howled and within moments people started screaming their bets. Leroy asked Emma if she’d like to join, but she refused politely, not wanting a hangover the next day. Especially since she’d already seen the to-do list her mother had drawn up for her the next day.

  
David also refused to participate, instead placing a forty-dollar bet on Killian, causing Leroy to roll his eyes.  Emma placed a hundred dollar bet on him, earning _ooohs_ and _awwws_ from the crowd, and a wink from Killian – they had been out drinking many nights to know the other’s drinking capacity. Emma knew that he was going to crash later on, but he would _never_ lose or back away from a challenge. 

  
By the seventh round of shots, Ruby and Victor had opted out, and Emma watched as Leroy shook his head, slumping down heavily on his friend’s shoulder. Granny poured out Killian’s shot of rum. She knew rum was the one thing Killian could probably drink barrels of. Killian lifted his glass and held it aloft, for all to see, earning howling and cheering from the patrons who’d bet on him. He dipped his drink towards Emma in toast, and she just gave a small shake of her head at the idea of the very royal and very major hangover he had coming tomorrow. And then he leaned back and tossed the shot back, some of the liquid running down the corner of his lips and Emma had the sudden urge to lick it off him. _Fuck, control_ she reminded herself and grinned once Killian banged the glass on the table, bowing to the crowd who clapped for his victory.

    
David clapped Killian’s back and demanded his winnings from Granny, whilst her mother forced Killian and Leroy to drink a glass full of water each, even going so far as to tip the glasses down their throats. 

  
~~xx~~

  
“Please, don’t tell me you’re going to puke,” Emma said, helping Killian stand. 

  
Ruby and Victor had disappeared to her room upstairs shortly after the contest, taking advantage of the fact that the noise from the party would drown out any noises filtering downstairs.  Leroy’s long-suffering friend, Happy, managed to get him to his feet, helping him home on unsteady legs. 

Everyone else were helping themselves to  leftover pie, when Killian found her at one of the booths and gave her a little nudge, creating a space beside her for him to sit. 

  
He turned towards her, his eyes almost completely red and his breath laced with rum. “Can we go back to your house, love?”

  
“Oh god, you’re trashed” she moaned, pushing at his shoulder to get him to move so she could get out. David handed her the keys of the truck, both of them wishing to stay a while longer and assuring her they’d catch a ride from their friend, Philip. 

David slapped Killian’s shoulder again, grinning giddily and she shook her head.

Usually, parents would get kind of  upset if their daughter’s boyfriend got completely wasted at a party with their friends, but of course, hers would be proud since the boyfriend earned them money. 

Emma brought an arm around Killian’s waist to hold him steady and he automatically wrapped his around her shoulders, his fingers playing with the ends of her hair. She walked him carefully to the truck, settling him in and buckling his seatbelt for him, whilst trying to ignore that his nose was basically brushing against the side of her face, and that his usual cologne was now mixed with the scent of rum. 

She shoved the bottle of water Aurora had given her as they were leaving into his hands, and ordered him to drink up as she shut the car door and went around to sit in the driver’s seat. 

“ _Swan_ ,” Killian spoke, once Emma stopped at the red light, his gaze fixed on her face. She glanced over at him. “You’re beautiful.”

_Oh boy._

~~xx~~

Getting him inside the house wasn’t as hard as getting him up the stairs was. He had babbled the entire way to the house; about the people he had met today, the food, the town itself, before his conversation steered towards her. Her _golden luscious locks_ , her _rosy lips_ , her _cute little dimple_ , and by the time they had reached the house, Emma was nearly in tears. Good tears? Bad tears? Hell, she didn’t know.

She asked him to sit on their bed and wait, as she hurried downstairs to grab more water and an Advil, and switched on the AC on her way. She was surprised to find him sitting there when she came back, his eyes fixated on the ground in front of him, somehow lucid enough to remove his shoes and his shirt for some reason, giving Emma quite a view of his bare chest and all that glorious chest ha... _Control Emma!_

He looked back at her once she handed him the water, grinning hugely, “Do you know how lovely you are, Swan?”

“God, Killian, _stop_!” She curled her hand over his on the glass and tilted his chin, tipping the glass of water past his lips.  

“And you’re sweet, just like sugar,” he smiled stupidly again, making Emma slap his face very softly, just enough for his head to slant slightly to wipe the smile off his face but he grabbed that hand and pressed a kiss to her palm. 

Emma retrieved it immediately, and to keep the conversation safe, teased, “Someone had fun tonight, huh?” 

“Aye, I had the time of my life, love.”

Emma could see the wheels turning inside his head and was almost sure of what was coming next before he started – 

“ _Now I’ve had the time of my lifeeee, no I never felt this way beforeee!_ ”

“ _Killian!_ ”

“ _Yes, I swear it’s the truth!_ ” he continued, his words slightly slurred but his voice strong and melodious.

“Calm down, Bill Medley,” she said sternly and he stared at her, his eyes big and wide and puppy-like.

“Oh, c’mon!” She rolled her eyes at him. But the pout didn’t go away, so she huffed, knowing she was such a sucker. She took a deep breath, and sang in a self-conscious whisper “ _And I owe it all to youuuuu._ ” 

He stood up suddenly, grabbing her hand and pulling her towards him, his arms around her waist holding her tightly pressed to him. “ _Cause I’ve had the time of my liiifeee_.” 

He gently rocked her with him, Emma laughing uncontrollably. “ _And I owe it all to youuuu._ ”

He let the song trail off then, his eyes dropping shut and Emma knew the drowsiness of all that alcohol was catching up with him. She removed his hands from her waist a little reluctantly, putting her hands on his shoulders. “Killian, let’s get you on the bed.”

Suddenly, his arms were around her again, strong and firm as he walked her backwards until Emma felt a wall behind her, something else also digging into her back.  Her mind didn’t even have time to register what the hell had just happened, how he was pressed to her so warm and strong, before she had to bite her lip from refraining to make a sound once Killian’s fingers rode under her shirt, caressing her bare skin softly, their face inches apart. 

His eyes bore into hers. “You’re so beautiful Emma” he slurred slightly, “I didn’t want to kiss you in front of all those sodding people.”

“Killi-“

And then he was kissing her. 

Emma should’ve pushed him off; no matter how inebriated he was she knew he would never take advantage of anyone like that. 

But his lips were warm and soft, his tongue peeking out to trace her lower lip, and so when she brought her hands up to push him away, they somehow found themselves entangled in his hair, pulling his head more firmly towards her.   
He pulled back for a moment to cup her cheeks, his eyes glassy and red from the alcohol, and it was the best opportunity for her to just push him away from her, and hope alcohol still fizzes his memory. 

“Why are you such a stubborn arse, Emma?” he whispered just before he pressed his lips back to hers, and instead of pushing him away, Emma opened up for him, allowing his tongue the access it was demanding. His body pressed even more fully into her, his hips rutting against her as Emma brought her arms to his chest, feeling the soft hair beneath her fingers. She swallowed his grunt as her nails scraped his nipples, the evidence of his arousal pressing solidly against her.

It was familiar, a well-practiced dance between the two, yet still so new and exciting.  Emma let out a moan as he moved his lips to kiss a trail down her neck, his lips pressed against her fluttering pulse, as his hands were now stroking the underside of her breasts and hers were caressing the skin on his back, just above the waistband of his jeans.

He pulled away suddenly when they heard a crash. One of the paintings behind Emma had fallen off the wall, the glass cracked.

Emma looked back up to him. He was mortified – his eyebrows hunched together, his mouth agape, his cheeks red with the heat of alcohol and their kiss, and now possibly embarrassment. 

“Bloody hell,” he rumbled, running his hand through his hair which she had completely disheveled by pulling on it “Oh fuck, shit, shit, shit, fuck my timing…I promised myself I’d control... _bloody hell_.”

“Shit Killian...this can’t…we can’t,” Emma stumbled, shaking her head as she tried to scold herself because _what the hell had she been thinking?_  True, she’d never been all that great at resisting Killian Jones, and his kisses did have a way of just obliterating any rational thought, but she was the sober one. It was her responsiblity to do the mature thing. Like not making out with her ex-boyfriend, for instance.

She was still staring at the ground when she heard him slump down on the bed, and by the time she looked at him, he had already dozed off, all that alcohol finally taking its toll on him. 

Emma took off her makeup, and brushed her teeth. Part of her didn’t to erase the taste of him from her mouth, even if it had mostly been rum, but morning breath was a very real thing and she had eaten a lot of the pie he made. Changing into her night shorts and tank top, and flinging her bra into the laundry hamper, she carefully maneuvered Killian to slip under the covers. He mumbled something, which sounded like her name, and after his hand lazily cupped her cheek for a moment, he fell asleep again. 

She laid down beside him, making sure to leave a respectable amount of distance between them. She fired a quick text to her mother, informing her about them safely reaching home, and that they probably would be asleep once they arrived. 

Finally, then, she gave herself time to think about it – the kiss. She knew she was still in love with him, and she wasn’t stupid; she could tell Killian was still hurt, but he probably still had some lingering feelings for her, which was why he’d agreed to come, and was being so nice about it. But she had hurt him, and there was no guarantee she wouldn’t again. 

It was a mistake. That’s what she’ll tell him the next morning. Regina’s words lingered in her head for a moment. “This little drama of yours is either going to end up with you both happy or really fucking miserable.” She ignored the little voice in her head which just said to  fuck it and tell him everything – how it was a mistake and she missed him and loved him, but _no_ , he deserved better than someone who could not deal with her own shit.

She couldn’t sleep – not even when she turned into her favorite position, or when her parents came home and made their way noisily up the stairs all giggly and excited, and especially not when Killian turned in sleep and draped his arm around her, his beard scraping against her shoulder and his hand heavy on her waist.

It would be a very long night.

~~xx~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always appreciated :)


	6. Chapter 6

Emma reached out a hand and fumbled blindly for the phone on the bedside table, canceling the alarm she knew was set to go off in about five minutes. Killian’s was due to go off at any time too, but his phone was on the dresser and with her current position with his head nestled on her chest and his arm draped over her waist, she was in no position or, quite frankly, in any mood to move.

She hadn’t been able to sleep much, dozing here and there as the kiss kept replaying in her mind. That and all the questions it brought up of what she should do about it.

She knew she should move – his alarm might go off anytime now and they’ll have to either discuss the kiss, or just ignore it. Grabbing his hand on her waist, she gently pushed it back and turned to her side with her back to him, her face hidden.

Emma shut her eyes as soon as Killian’s alarm went off, feigning sleep. He grunted once before she felt him get off the bed and soon enough the alarm was silent again. The bed dipped again as Killian sat on it, rubbing his eyes and cursing softly.

Killian pressed his thumbs to his temple, a raging headache taking over him. Noticing the cookies, Advil, and water bottle set on the table, he smiled. After gulping down the Advil, he noticed how calm Emma’s breathing was, none of her usual soft snores audible. And then there was the way she was curled up at the very edge of the bed.  Emma was a bed hog, always had been. Back when they’d been together, it was all Killian could do to stake some small amount of territory for himself, or else give up and wrap himself around her. Something about her repose now seemed off, somehow.

“Emma?” he whispered. She didn’t even stir but he caught the way her breathing stopped for a moment and he figured she was feigning sleep. Not wanting to push her, he grabbed his towel and headed straight into the bathroom.

Emma turned in the bed once she heard the door close behind him. _God_ , she cursed, bringing her knuckles up to press on her forehead. He probably wanted to talk to her about last night, which is why he called her name out, and _no way in hell_ did Emma want to talk about that kiss. Not now, not ever.

She sat up, and quickly headed downstairs to use the spare bathroom. She knew she couldn’t hide from him forever, but she could damn well try.

~~xx~~

Killian was surprised to find the room empty once he came out of the shower, the door still left ajar as if Emma had left in a hurry.

Downstairs, he found her still sitting in her night shorts and tank top, going over a list with her father as they both sipped their coffees.

“Good morning,” he greeted David, coming to his other side to press a kiss to Emma’s forehead. He tried not to be offended at the way she stilled for a moment, instead just turned to retrieve the tea packets he’d been shown by Mary Margaret.

* * *

 

“How are you up?” David asked him, bewildered.

 

“Pardon?” Killian responded, confused.

  
“David can’t get up the entire day after drinking too much,” Mary Margaret answered for her husband, throwing a grin his way.

  
“Oh, right.” Killian scratched the back of his ear, slightly embarrassed at the situation. “I should apologize for my behavior last night – I’m usually not one for drinking contests. I’m sorry if I made a spectacle of myself.” He looked over at Emma for support but her gaze was fixated on the piece of paper in front of her.

  
“Are you kidding?” David grinned. “That’ll get Leroy to shut up for about a year!”

  
“Everyone loves you there. You made them some delicious pie, and you won the challenge,” Mary Margaret smiled, “Although they were upset you didn’t kiss Emma”

  
Killian could feel the blush rising in his cheeks. He looked over at Emma again, but she was still intently staring down at the paper as if it was the most fascinating thing in the world, and he could practically _feel_ the tension radiating off of her.

  
“Good,” David chuckled, rising from his chair and slapping Killian on the back. “Good call on that one, truly a gentleman’s move.”

“There’s nothing wrong with kissing the woman you love,” Mary Margaret raised a pointed eyebrow as she took out eggs from the fridge.

  
“Maybe not in front of her father,” David moved to her side, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

  
“I’m gonna go take a shower,” Emma announced, swiftly taking off upstairs without so much as a glance towards him, and Killian wondered just what the hell he’d done to upset her.

  
~~xx~~

  
In the bathroom, Emma stripped out of her clothes and after grabbing her towel, headed inside the stall. The glass of the shower was still fogged up (the man _loved_ his hot showers – even in the summer), and she could still smell his body wash, making her sigh. Did he have to smell good, on top of everything else?

  
As she stood under the spray letting her hair get wet, the reality of the situation sank in. How the hell was she going to do this? Downstairs, she hadn’t even been able to look the man in the eyes, forget about actually talking to him to figure this all out. It was surprising though, how normal he’d seem in the morning, talking to her parents, kissing her forehead and the usual stuff.

  
Maybe it hadn’t meant anything to him. Maybe he really was over her. Maybe he’d just got caught up playing his role - the one she’d cast him in.  

  
But then, he’d kissed her when no one was around to witness. When it was just him and her, and - _No_. She could _not_ be thinking about this. She couldn’t give herself false hope anymore, and worse, she couldn’t give him any false hope about this. They were done - she ended it, he agreed.

  
If he wanted to talk, she’d tell him it had been a mistake. And if he didn’t, well, that was a win-win situation for them both.

  
~~xx~~

  
During breakfast, Killian noticed the way Emma was still tense, avoiding eye-contact with him and not initiating any cheek kisses or flirty remarks. He wagered it was something he did when he was drunk, but if his own memory served him right, he had declined to kiss her at the party. The details remained a little fuzzy about what happened after, but by the persistent ache in his temples, Killian doubted he would have been up for much more than passing out straight away. He didn’t even remember the drive home.  

  
For a moment he wondered if he’d thrown up in her bedroom somewhere or, hell, even on her.  But Emma wasn’t the type to let that kind of behavior go unnoted. She’d tease him about it, at the very least. Hell, she would probably have start yelling at him about it the moment he woke up, and made him clean everything. But she hadn’t. And it still didn’t explain why she would be avoiding him like the bloody plague.

  
He was still unsure about Emma’s behavior and what he’d done to warrant it when he found himself sitting beside her in her father’s truck, the two of them sent off by her parents to run party errands three towns over.

  
The car ride was silent; tense really, the only sound being that of the radio and the truck’s ancient engine. It wasn’t until they drove up to the gas station that Emma finally addressed him for the first time all morning.“Do you think you could get some coffees from inside?” she asked, her gaze still fixed out the front windscreen.

  
“Aye, of course,” he said, leaping at the opportunity to be useful. “Coffee or hot chocolate?”

  
“Coffee – two creams and one sugar.”

  
“I _know_ , love,” he said, and she paused, turning to look at him.

  
Realizing she was just staring at him, and he staring back, in the middle of a gas station, she turned back to the task at hand and Killian walked away, confused as ever of exactly what changed.

  
~~xx~~

  
They were back on the road when he finally gathered up enough courage to just ask instead of wallowing in uncertainties. “Swan, have I done or said something to upset you?”

  
She snapped her head towards him, and with a confused glare, looked back at the road ahead. Emma exhaled loudly. _He didn’t remember._ “No.”

  
“I’m just tired,” she continued, trying to keep the ruse alive. No need for him to know something he didn’t remember, and make things awkward. “And my head hurts,” she added.

  
“I can drive, if you’d like,” he offered, still eyeing her suspiciously.

  
“No, it’s alright. It keeps me distracted.” She tried to smile, to make the situation lighter. She glanced at him and knew he wasn’t buying her shit – he was always too good at reading her. But that didn’t mean she was ready to talk about it. 

  
She couldn’t say it didn’t hurt. It did sting, knowing he didn’t remember that he kissed her – whether that be out of habit, drunkenness, or him _wanting_ to kiss her because he might still have feelings for h-  
  


- _Nope_. Not happening and not going there at all.

  
_Why are you such a stubborn arse, Emma?_ His voice resonated inside her head, but she ignored it.

  
It was just one stupid drunken kiss. That was all.

  
~~xx~~

  
The decorations were picked up quickly; two of the sales associates helping Killian pack them in the truck as Emma paid using her dad’s credit card. She chanced a glance towards Killian, and a sad smile took over her as she saw him pawing through the anniversary wares.

  
He met her gaze suddenly, as if his eyes were searching for her when he found a figurine of a bride and groom strangling each other. He pointed it to her and she grinned.

  
That could’ve been them.

  
~~xx~~

  
They stopped for lunch at McDonald’s.

  
Killian’s was complaining about the food as they took their seats, the health freak that he was. “It’s not even real meat, Swan. It’s all hormones and cholesterol.

  
“Oh, shut up and eat your Big Mac. Who cares if it’s real or not? It tastes damn good.”

  
It was easy to be like this with him. All joking and teasing; this had always been the easy part.

  
He sighed dramatically. “What can I expect from someone who actually likes eating Pop-Tarts?”

  
She threw her fry at him.

  
~~xx~~

  
The boutique from where they’re supposed to pick up her mother’s dress looks expensive; the type Regina would probably shop at, and Emma’s surprised her Mom has let herself go all out.

  
The moment they enter, a woman impeccably dressed comes to them, “How may I help you?”

  
“I’m here to pick up something for Mary Margaret Blanchard?” Emma smiles.

  
“Oooh right. I thought you were a bride,” the woman smiles, making Emma squirm. “Would you two like to have a seat, while I fetch the dress?”

  
“Please,” Killian answers for her as, Emma’s still recovering from the nonchalant bride comment.

  
They haven’t even been sitting there for more than a minute on those expensive velvet couches when another woman brings them sparkling water in wine glasses. “You’re such a beautiful couple. When is the date if I may ask?”

  
“Oh, we’re not….we’re not a couple,” Emma clarified. “I mean, we’re not the ones getting married. My parents are renewing their vows.”

  
“Oh dear! I apologize!” she said sheepishly, but Emma could feel Killian tense behind her, and when she chanced a look at him, his jaw was clenched tightly in anger but his eyes were sad.

  
He was probably thinking about their breakup.

  
~~xx~~

  
She let him drive on the way back, happy to just rest her head on the window and shut her eyes.

  
The silence was awkward between them, some weird tension manifesting which neither of them seemed to know how to extinguish. Emma knew she’d been doing a poor job of keeping up her business-as-usual persona, but ever since they’d left the boutique, it was Killian who had turned into the silent, surly one.  
  


Maybe it was for the best; them not communicating outside of their ruse. Safer. But nevertheless, a part of Emma couldn’t help but want to turn to him and ask him, to try to fix whatever was bothering him, and make him smile again.

  
Her phone rang, thankfully saving her from her quite dangerous train of thought 

“Hey Ruby,” she said, picking up the call.

  
“Hey! So I forgot to tell you yesterday, but I’ve been planning this pool party thing for Victor for his birthday tomorrow. So be there at 5:30 and bring your bikini!”

  
“Tomorrow? And you tell me now?” Emma rolled her eyes, “The anniversary is in three days, I’m sure Mom and Dad need me for something.”

  
She could hear Ruby huff on the other end. “C’mon, Emma! It’s just for a couple of hours. I’ll talk to your mom if I have to!”

  
“Okay, I’ll see. No promises though.”

  
“So...” Ruby started, and Emma could tell by her sudden change in tone that it wasn’t going to be anything good. “What happened between you and Killian last night?”

  
Emma gave a sharp intake of breath, making Killian turn towards her in alarm. She quickly turned away from him, gripping the phone tighter to her ear.

  
“Nothing.”

  
“Oh pleaseeee.”

  
“Seriously. We just came back home,” she said a bit loudly, looking towards Killian so he had no doubt in his mind. “And he passed out.”

  
He glanced towards her, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

  
“Oh my god is he with your right now? Is that why you’re not telling me?”

  
“Yes and no. I just told you.”

  
“Emma, darling, you guys were seriously eye-fucking each other and Killian! Holy shit, by the end of the night I’m surprised you guys hadn’t snuck off for a quickie in the bathroom.”

  
“Ruby!” Emma yelled, hoping to god Killian couldn’t hear anything.

  
“We’ll talk tomorrow about this,” Ruby laughed. “See you guys!”

  
Emma cut the call but still kept her head to the other side, hiding the blush which had definitely flushed her cheeks.

  
“Is everything alright?” His voice made her jump, and she finally faced him.

  
“Yeah. Ruby’s just inviting us to her pool party tomorrow for Victor’s birthday.”

  
“Do you want to go?”

  
“Honestly, no. But she’ll kill me if we don’t.”

  
“We could always fake illness,” he smirked but then suddenly stopped, his mind probably running down the same path as her. They had done this once before, faking that Emma had come down with the flu, and left early from Regina and Robin’s engagement party. Of course the moment they had reached his apartment, Emma’s panties were already in his pocket, his shirt was unbuttoned, and they hadn’t even made it past his door before their first orgasm.

  
“We’ll just go,” she said firmly. No use in staying back home with him either way.

  
~~xx~~

  
She ignored him completely once they got home, her bedroom reminding her too much of what they had shared the night before, her anxiety and issues taking over once more. Their errands had allowed her to stir away from those thoughts, but now that they were back, she couldn’t help but think about it. And the more she thought, the more willing she was to just tell him about it and talk it out. Maybe they could just end up together again.

  
Thus, she concluded, she needed to stay away from him as much as possible. She ate her dinner, focused on her parents and ignoring him – not initiating any cheek or forehead kisses, or teasing him about something, and all the other normal couple-y things they had been doing. She refused her father’s offer to join them for a beer out in the backyard, and also refused Killian’s offer to go check _The Rabbit Hole_ out, and maybe get some drinks. She tried not to think about the way his face had fallen and he had smiled sadly at her as he muttered, “Of course, love. We shouldn’t.”

  
Killian was outside with David once again, both of them sharing beers and throwing a ball around. Mary Margaret brought a wine bottle along and settled beside Emma, handing her a glass.

  
Emma knew her mother wanted to chat, but she also knew that the chatting was probably about Killian and their future and she had absolutely no interest in talking about that, so she kept her gaze firmly on the _FRIENDS_ episode playing.  
Her mother sipped her wine quietly beside her but once the countdown for the next episode began, she grabbed the remote and decreased the volume, making Emma turn towards her.

  
“So...” Mary Margaret spoke with an almost giddy smile.

  
“So...” Emma smiled at how eager her mom looked. It was cute.

  
“How’s it going with Killian?”

  
“It’s good,” she replied, and her mother nodded, clearly not satisfied with that short answer. Emma sighed. “It’s going fine, okay? Of course it is. I mean, look at him! He’s just so nice and loyal and hot and fucking  _perfect_ and…” she paused, not even realizing that voice had grown thicker, her throat closing up as she blinked back tears.

  
“Emma?” Mary Margaret put her hand over hers. “Is everything alright?”

  
Her father barging in with his cheeks flushed and his eyes dazed thankfully saved her. He stumbled once, grinning as Killian held him straight and offered an apologetic smile to the women. A couple of beers had apparently turned out be quite a few beers for David, and Emma was once again thankful that Killian didn’t look drunk.

  
She couldn’t handle another night with him drunk.

  
“Snow,” David said with obvious affection, walking towards them. Almost unconsciously, Emma felt herself smile at the nickname. 

  
“Snow?” Killian asked, looking to the window and back, confused. “It’s summer?”

  
“No, no,” Emma said, shaking her head. “When they had started dating, my dad used to call my Mom, Snow, ‘cause she was as fair as snow,” Emma explained fondly. It was one of many little details about their love story that Emma had heard a million times growing up, but she couldn’t deny it still made her smile. As far as love stories went, her parents were practically out of a fairytale.  
  


David sat between the two women, his arms going around both of them. He pressed a kiss to Emma’s forehead and then one to Mary Margaret’s cheek, making the woman blush.

  
Emma felt the tears threatening to come back once Killian pulled out his phone and took a picture of them three sitting like that.

  
~~xx~~

  
Emma excused herself immediately, almost sprinting upstairs to her bedroom. She dropped down on her bed, burying her face in her hands. It was too much, it was all _way_ too much.

  
After months of terribly missing him, she had just seen him, just acted like a couple with him, just kissed him – all within a week and it was suddenly all too much and too fast. She needed time to breathe, to figure out exactly what she wanted, what _he_ wanted.

  
She didn’t even know if he wanted her or not.

  
She couldn’t keep thinking about this, spending her days and nights overanalyzing every touch, every word, everything he did. He wasn’t in love with her anymore. He was just a good guy, and maybe that’s why he agreed to do this with her, _for_ her.

  
Emma could hear footsteps coming up the stairs and she hurried to grab her towel, heading inside the bathroom.

  
A good cry in the shower would do.

  
~~xx~~

  
If he noticed her bleary eyes and her shaking body wrapped in her towel, he doesn’t remark on them.

  
She’d been in such a hurry to get away from him, to not let him see her having a mild anxiety attack over her feelings for him, that she’d run inside the bathroom without anything to change into.

  
He took a quick look at her, and stood up, his eyes on her face. “Your mother made some hot chocolate for you. It’s on your desk.” He pointed towards it.  
  


She nodded, still refusing to meet his eyes.

  
Emma heard him sigh. “I’ll let you change.”

  
She knew he was still standing by the door, hovering there for a moment but she didn’t move, didn’t turn around or ask him to leave and shut the door. Just stayed there, staring at the floor.

  
Soon enough the door clicked shut.

  
~~xx~~

  
Emma was lying in her bed now, staring up at the ceiling and trying to hold back tears once again. She didn’t know where this sudden burst of anxiety and sadness and hopelessness had come from, but she hated it. She’d felt this way many times after they broke up, but it was never this intense.

  
Maybe she felt worse now because he was actually here.

  
A knock sounded on the door and she turned on her side away from it and shut her eyes. She was in no position or mood to talk.

  
“Love?” Killian said, confusing Emma for a moment as to why he would knock in the first place.

  
She could hear him enter the room, heard him rifle through his suitcase and head into the bathroom. It gave her time to calm her nerves and swallow down her tears. By the time he came back, she was hoping he’d believe she was deep in sleep.

  
After switching the lights off, he laid down beside her, turning towards her; her back to him.

  
“Swan?” he asked, and waited for an answer.

  
“Emma, I know you’re awake,” he said, anger lacing his tone, and after Emma still didn’t respond, didn’t even move, he sighed loudly.

  
The last thing she heard were the bed’s springs creaking as he turned to his other side, his back now turned to her as well.

~~xx~~

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews are always appreciated <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

They ignored each other the next day. Well, as much as they could whilst still putting on a show for her parents – teasing and joking, kissing each other’s cheeks, smiling while making eyes.

Emma pretended to not see her mother’s suspicious look as she offered to go alone to the bakery to check on the cake instead of tagging Killian along with her. She left swiftly then, not wanting to explain herself or argue with her mother about taking Killian along.

As the door shut behind her, Mary Margaret rounded on Killian with a concerned frown. “Is everything alright?”

He gulped. “Yes, m’lady”

“I just...” She exhaled loudly. “Are you guys okay? I tried to talk to Emma last night too… We just want you both to be happy, Killian. You’re a part of this family now.”

Killian blinked. He hadn’t associated himself with the word family for ages now. His mother, Liam, and Milah were little more than fading memories at this point. A year ago he was beginning to think Emma might change all that. That together they could be a family, have a family, but she’d shut that down pretty quickly.

But he never realized or even imagined that Emma’s parents might consider him so. And to think that this entire thing was a charade, and that in actual fact he had no place in Emma’s life, and consequently theirs. Guilt flooded through him suddenly, making his chest ache.

He was so consumed with the idea of Emma finally calling him, Emma needing his help, and the chance to just be around her, that he never actually pondered over the fact that they were betraying her parents.

“I’m gonna go for a run,” he announced.

~~xx~~

Emma had checked out the cake situation almost half an hour before. She had no reason to delay returning to her parent’s house, and yet she still found herself driving aimlessly around the outskirts of town, near the forest.

Emma liked driving. Something about the purr of the engine and the steering wheel solid under her fingers had always calmed her, made her feel in control. But there was no kidding herself this time, no amount of unnecessary detours that would change the truth. She wasn’t in control. Not even a little bit.

Regina had tried to warn her, and dammit, Emma should have listened to her. But it had seemed like a solid plan at the time. Then, she was quite honestly expecting him to not even take her call, or answer with a _“who is this?”_ , or laugh in her face, or yell at her.

She hadn’t actually really imagined that he might say _yes_. That he might actually go along with all of it.

Emma deserved some kind of medal, for sure. Maybe the kind they gave out to people who died pulling stupid stunts. This had been a stupid stunt. Lying to her parents had been bad enough. Recruiting Killian to be complicit on her deception after the way she’d treated him? It was bordering on cruel.

She never should’ve asked him. And now she was ignoring him like a petulant child, when he’d been nothing but nice and kind to her? _Very grown up, Emma._

With a sigh, Emma turned back to the house, deciding it was time to make things right.

~~xx~~

* * *

 

Her mother seemed busy on her laptop when she entered.

“He’s gone out for a run,” she said absently, eyes intent on the screen of her Mac, answering Emma’s unasked question

“Alright. Everything’s good with the baker, by the way. There will be zero cake related drama.” Emma informed her.

Her mother looked up from the laptop, her face softening in a way that spelled danger. “Emma, we need to talk.”

Were there four scarier words in the English language?

“Yeah. We should catch up!” she said, trying to lighten the mood a little. By her mother’s frown, she figured she hadn’t bought it. But Emma knew what her mother wanted. She wanted to talk about Killian, about Emma’s mini-freakout the night before when the topic of Killian and their future came up. “I’m just gonna take a quick shower”

Mary Margaret nodded, “I’ll be waiting.”

~~xx~~

Emma was just taking out her clothes from her bag when Killian’s cell on the dresser binged, the device lighting up, making her eyes drift towards it. The message notification popped up from a girl named Katie –

_Wanna meet up for drinks again tonight? I miss you ;)_

Emma froze. The offer was friendly enough but the winky face at the end gave it a whole new meaning. And _again_? She couldn’t help the jealousy that crept up within her, followed by the anger. Anger over the fact that he’s here with her pretending to still be together for her parent’s sake, when back home in their real lives, he was seeing someone else.

She knew that she was being irrational, that they were broken up, and _done_ , and of course he should move on and find someone else who could actually love him, and be committed, and talk about their future and family –

But one thing that Emma Swan had always been good at was anger. Not feeling anything is an attractive option when what you feel sucks. But anger was good too.

So she got angry.

~~xx~~

Killian thought the run might clear his head, but all it had really done was given him too much time alone with his thoughts. Even with his headphones blaring hit after hit from his favorite band, he couldn’t quite quell his growing sense of guilt. By the time he’d hit his second mile, the guilt had turned to shame, his shame to anger. 

He was angry at Emma, but he was also angry at himself. Sure, it had been her idea, but his brother had raised him to be a good man. An honest man. And yet here he was, lying to Emma’s parents, who had been nothing but kind to him. Who had trusted him to look out for their only daughter.

When the self-loathing didn’t dissipate after the third mile, he gave it up and headed back to the house. He let himself in the back door, Mary Margaret’s greeting swallowed by the blare of the headphones. He gave her a cursory wave before heading upstairs to their room.

He wasted no time divesting himself of his sweaty clothes, yanked open his suitcase, and after retrieving a clean pair of clothes to wear to Ruby’s party and his towel, pulled open the bathroom door.

It took him a moment to register the warmth in the bathroom.

And then he saw her.

~~xx~~

Emma heard the bathroom door yank open and in panic, she opened the glass door of the shower with the detachable shower head raised in her arm to attack. And froze.

There stood Killian. Naked. And his eyes were glued to her breasts, her nipples involuntarily peaking. His eyes travelled lower, and she couldn’t help but lower her own gaze down his body too, down his smooth skin, the dark trail, and then his dark curls.

They stayed like that for a moment – gazing at each other’s naked bodies. Which was ridiculous since they’d seen each naked plenty of times. Had done things to each other’s bodies which used to leave Emma blushing for whenever she used to remember them.

“ _Emma_ ,” he breathed out. “Bloody hell.”

She looked back up at him. His eyes had widened, staring back at her with unkempt lust. She heaved loudly and her eyes darted back towards his now half-hard cock, and it was all the incentive Killian needed to walk towards her.

Emma didn’t even realize when she had dropped the shower head, but her back was now pressed to the cold tiles and Killian was standing mere inches in front of her. _So_ close that she could feel the heat radiating off of him, could hear the way his heart was beating erratically matching hers, and his warm breath was fanning over her lips.

Emma was the first one to touch. 

Her fingers trailed over his chest, stopping to circle his nipples. She looked up at him, his teeth coming out to bite his lip and _damn_ , he knew she loved it when he did that. Suddenly, she tweaked his nipple, making him gasp and in moments, one of his hand was curling around her jaw while the other was around her waist, pulling her tightly against him. She expected him to kiss her, but instead, he positioned her head upwards with a firm hold on her jaw, and his lips then latched onto her neck, sucking a spot just above her pulse point.

Emma moaned, her own hands now wandering down over his body, stopping just where she could feel his erection bobbing over his stomach. As she palmed him, he released an infernal grunt and his hips thrust into hers, pressing their bodies flush against each other. 

Killian let out a grunt as Emma grasped him firmly in her hand, moving it up and down, eliciting more moans from him. His own hand then came down to grab her ass, squeezing it before it drifted to the back of her thigh. With a sudden pull, her thigh was over his hip, leaving her exposed to him. Just as her hand tightened on him, his slid down to circle her clit, making Emma yelp in surprise.

“ _Killian.”_ Emma gasped as two fingers slid inside her, his thumb circling her clit. He brought his other hand from her jaw to her breast, squeezing it tightly as his thumb brushed against her nipple rhythmically. She was so close to her peak, and by the way he was throbbing in her hand, and breathing erratically she knew he was too. Their minds were filtered with nothing but lust, this _want_ which had taken over their senses and focused all of their energy and thoughts into this one moment.

_Wanna meet up for drinks again tonight? I miss you ;)_

Emma’s hand stilled, her eyes snapping open. Suddenly her mind started working again. What the hell was she doing? This Katie woman might be his girlfriend, or at the very least someone he was sleeping with. A flare of anger surged through her – not only was he supposedly seeing someone, he was also cheating on them with her.

She detangled her leg from where it curved around his hip and pushed him back, his fingers sliding out from her abruptly. His face was masked in a confused frown as he quirked an eyebrow up in question. She saw the moment it hit him too, the realization of exactly what they were doing. His jaw clenched tightly and he looked down at the ground.

Emma grabbed her towel and headed outside.

~~xx~~

The car ride to Ruby’s was perhaps the most awkward thing that Emma had to ever face in her life. And that included the time during high school when her mother once found her topless with an almost naked Neal in her bed.

She could feel that the air wasn’t just tense from awkwardness but also anger and some residual lust from their activities in the bathroom. Before leaving, her mother had once again asked Emma to chat, but she’d blown her off using Ruby’s party as an excuse.

She hated doing this. She wanted to talk to her mother too, have one of their mother-daughter bonding sessions, but she couldn’t bear to lie to her all the time. When she’d cooked up this little scheme, this entire ruse with Killian, she had never realized the guilt she would feel about the whole thing.

She wondered if Killian felt guilty too. He used to feel guilty about the littlest of things before – losing a case, bumping into someone, taking too long to decide what he wanted to order, hell, he even hated being the last one to buy something from the store.

Mercifully, Storybrooke wasn’t a big place, and the trip to Ruby’s took no time at all. When they pulled up, Emma got out of the car quickly, and waited for Killian to take his place by her side. Ruby and Victor might know the truth, but the others didn’t. And in small towns, news traveled fast. It was better to be safe than sorry.

He walked up to the door by her side, keeping his distance and only at the absolute last moment when they were walking through the door did he rest his hand on the small of her back.

Emma would be lying if she said it didn’t hurt.

~~xx~~

Ruby greeted the pair of them with tight, bone-crushing hugs, and quickly introduced them to the people around her. Most of them were people with whom Emma had gone to high school.

She made small talk with them all, asking about how life was and all that jazz while Killian was busy with Victor, nursing a glass of rum in his hand. Her gaze kept drifting to him, watching how relaxed he looked but she could tell by the set of his shoulders and the whites of his knuckles grasping the glass that it was an act. He wasn’t alright.

“Wow, where can I get me one of those?” Tink asked, a friend from back in high school, fanning herself “You look disgustingly cute together.”

Emma smiled politely. “He makes me happy,” she replied, the safe answer.

“You can’t keep your eyes off of him,” she noted, and after smiling, Emma excused herself.

Could she be anywhere without people telling her how great he was, or how good they looked together, for fucks sake?

She looked back at where Killian and Victor were, only to find some random guys there instead, both men and Ruby nowhere to be found. Heading out to the backyard, from where she could hear music blaring and the sound of people yelling and splashes, she quickly spotted Ruby and Victor already in the pool.

Killian was standing with a few men whom she didn’t really recognize and didn’t care to. Her option were to either go in the pool with Ruby, or go to Killian.

She chose the former.

It was a good thing she’d been prepared enough to put her bathing suit on under her dress, if it could be called a dress. It was more a cover-up than anything, and it didn’t cover much. She had ignored the way Killian’s heated gaze had ran on her body for just a moment when he joined her downstairs. The front was pretty modest with a zipper from the belly to the neckline which Emma had zipped almost all the way up, but the back was almost non-existent and the hem was pretty short too.

(It reminded her of the little black dress he used to love on her – how he used to be unable to stop touching or kissing her when she wore it.)

(She still has it buried somewhere deep in her closet. The memories attached with it too painful, but she could never bring herself to throw it away.)

Reaching the pool, Emma pulled the zipper down from the front of her dress as much as it would go, and slipped out of it. She didn’t need to glance towards Killian to know he was staring at her, could feel the heat of his gaze from all the way across the yard.

She was wearing a one-piece swimsuit, not interested in wearing a bikini to a pool party with people she barely knew. But her one-piece’s neckline was very low and had deep cuts on the side, so to be honest, it wasn’t modest at all.

Quite the opposite really. And if she were to judge by the few appreciative glances she got from men and women as she walked towards the pool, it was a good choice.

Emma dipped inside the pool, the cold-water bliss against her warm skin. Carefully avoiding a couple who were engaged in a heavy make-out session, she made her way towards Ruby, the other woman bringing her arm around Emma’s shoulder.

“I’m just getting us drinks, do you want one Emma?” Victor asked, already halfway out the pool.

“A beer should be fine, thanks.”

Once Victor was out of earshot, Ruby raised her eyebrow at her, prompting her to spill.

She did.

She left some stuff out. The scene in the shower, for instance. But she told her about the guilt, and the confusion, about the Katie woman. Only after she was done did Ruby speak. “You want to get back together with him,” she said, matter of factly.

“What – _no!_ ” Emma insisted, to which Ruby snorted.

“It’s written all over your face. We all knew this breakup wasn’t going to last – it was just a matter of you guys talking this out.”

Emma bit her lip. “He probably has a girlfriend. Remember that girl texted him to meet again?”

Ruby snorted. “Oh please. He’s still _so_ in love with you.”

Emma rolled her eyes.

“Emma,” said Ruby, fixing her with her most serious look. ”Do you still love him or not?”

She turned her head to the other side, ignoring the question.

_“Emma!”_

“Yes, okay? I do, of course I still do!”

“Then you need to go talk to him, figure this all out! And quite honestly, my money is on _yes you can get back together!”_

Emma hesitated. “What if I break his heart again?”

“You won’t.”

~~xx~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate all the comments A LOT, thank you!!!!   
> Hope you guys liked the shower scene ;)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really appreciate all the reviews SOOOOO much and I'm glad you guys liked the shower scene ;)  
> This chapter is a bit tricky for me because of one thing - I hope you all find it believable!

She found him standing out on the front lawn, his phone up to his ear. Emma tip-toed nearer, not wanting to startle or disturb him while he was probably taking a work call. She could wait a little longer.

Only as she’d gotten closer, his words became clearer.

“Honey,” she heard him say, his voice low and pleading.

 _Honey?_ Killian never used _Honey_ as an endearment. He had always been rather liberal with his use of _Love_ , or _Darling_ , from the barista who made his morning coffee, to the FedEx woman who delivered his packages. For Emma alone he’d sprinkle in the occasional _My love_ , or even _Sweetheart_ , but never _Honey_.

“I promise, it’s just for a week,” he said. “We can see each other then. You know I have this work thing right now. Once that’s done my time is yours, Katie.”

* * *

 

Emma stopped abruptly, a loud gasp slipping out of her mouth involuntarily, making Killian turn around. Once he’d spotted her, his eyes went wide, looking like a kid caught with his hand inside the cookie jar. He cut the call short without even a word of goodbye, and took a step towards her.

“Emma,” he said, but she had already turned around, shaking with rage as she ran back down the driveway towards the party, and cut into the house, away from all the noise, away from _him_.

But of course he followed her

She was beyond grateful when he was waylaid by some of the guys he’d been talking to before, calling him over to meet some newly arrived friend. From her place at the window, she could see him struggling and trying to get away from them, so doubled back to the front door in order to escape.

She was outside and walking towards the main street before she knew it, from there she could call a cab or hitch a ride or something. But before she could decide which, she bumped into a manly figure, a _“Watch where you’re going, buddy!”_ already on her lips. That is, until she caught sight of the man, and the words died on her tongue, equal parts dread and panic filling her at once.

“Neal,” she breathed, taking a step back.

He smiled, as if he was genuinely pleased to see her. “Emma…God, it’s been so long.”

“What are you doing here?” she blurted out, not caring that she was being rude. He wasn’t supposed to be here, she was never supposed to see him ever again.

“It’s not just your hometown, Ems,” he smirked, and god she suddenly remembered how much she _hated_ that nickname.

“I have to go,” Emma said. She turned to leave but Neal caught her arm, turning her towards him.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” she shouted as she pried her arm away, glaring at him.

He raised his arms in the air in a show of innocence.“Ah, still so hostile,” he smirked. “Listen, you should meet my fiancée while you’re here, Tamara – she’s probably already inside.”

 _Fiancee_? Fiancée? Neal fucking Cassidy was about to be married? _Great!_ Emma thought. _Seems like everyone is happily in a relationship except of me._

“I heard you’re here with a boyfriend too? Good,” he smiled tightly. “Looks like we both found other people. You seemed so sad and angry when we broke up,” he laughed as if it was a joke. “Glad you’re _finally_ doing better.”

Suddenly her eyes burned with unshed tears and she wanted to scream at the top of her lungs, her emotions overwhelming her. Despair, anxiety, hopelessness – everything hit her at once but it was the anger that she held onto, the only emotion which didn’t make her want to crumble to the ground and cry her eyes out.

A whiff of breeze caught her, flying her hair away from her face and suddenly Emma became painfully aware of the fact that she was still only clad in her bathing suit and Ruby’s tiny robe. Needing to cover herself up, she didn’t even look towards Neal and turned back towards the house, ignoring his calls and heading straight up to Ruby’s room.

~~xx~~

After Emma had changed back into her clothes in Ruby’s room, breathing hard as she tried _not_ to cry and instead focus on the anger boiling inside her, she yanked the door open to leave.

And leaning towards the wall was Killian, a look of desperation on his face.

Before she could even move, he burst inside the room, shutting it behind him. Emma turned around, cursing herself and him for this. All she wanted to do now was go home and sleep. She had no desire to deal with her own feelings, Killian apparently having a girlfriend, or Neal waltzing back into her life, reminding her that even the shittiest people could scrape together a happy ending – all except of her, of course.

After a few deep breaths, she turned around, not meeting his gaze as she tried to leave the room. “Get out of my way, Killian,” she snapped, but he stood immoveable in front of her, restricting her from moving any further towards the door.

“Don’t you think it’s about time we talk about this?” he said, his voice strained and Emma knew he was suppressing his anger too. “We’ve tip-toed around it enough.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” she finally looked up at him, noticing the way his jaw was clenched and his eyes looked wild with anger. “I’m fine.”

“Really? Because, _love_ , you don’t seem fine,” he seethed.

“Why do you care?”

“Why do _I_ care? Bloody hell, Emma, the only reason I’m here and doing this shit is for _you_! Do I not deserve to know suddenly why you’re acting like this?”

“So that’s why you’re talking to your girlfriend while helping me out here, huh?”’

“What?” he shrieked, and she saw him nod once he put two and two together. “Katie’s not my girlfriend.”

“Really? I don’t see why someone would invite you out for drinks _again_ with a winky face and why you’d call her _honey_.” She spat the word out, not caring on how he’d feel about her looking at his phone. She was just so done with everything.

He rubbed his face once. “She’s a potential client we need and Gold has asked me to impress her. That’s it. There’s nothing there.”

Emma stayed silent, crossing her arms in front of her to keep him away.

“Bloody hell, Emma, I’m here because of you, _for_ you and you think I’m lying to you?”

Emma pursed her lips, she couldn’t, _wouldn’t_ think about any of this right now. All she needed was to calm herself down, and then think about all of this with a clear and cool mind. She still couldn’t believe Neal was there, and about to be married, and _happy_. While she’d still been so broken that she’d ended the best thing in her life.

Her face hardened as she thought of Neal again, and the infuriating smirk he’d worn as he mentioned his fiancée. The sheer audacity of it, wanting Emma to meet her!

However, Killian wasn’t privy to her inner monologue, and seemed to take her silence as a sign that yes, she didn’t believe him. “It isn’t like that,” he added. “Katie’s married.”

 _Married_. Seemed like everyone was getting married these days, and there was no escaping the word. Marriage was what _he_ had wanted. She still remembered his words ringing out, in the middle of their fight. _Yes, Emma, of course I  want to marry you some day!_ If only he’d shut up then. If only he’d given her the chance to wrap her head around it all. Moving in together. Living happily ever after. Maybe, just maybe, if he’d just given her the chance to sort out her feelings, to work through her anxiety, they wouldn’t be broken up now.

Killian never mentioned marriage, it was actually her who’d brought it up. He had only asked her to move in with him, and she had completely freaked out, walking out on their dinner and rushing home to her apartment. He’d been angry at first, confused by her behaviour. Not exactly the romantic evening he’d envisioned. For him, it seemed like a natural progression of their relationship. For her, it represented something else entirely. She’d already fallen in love with him. She already knew that just the idea of losing him caused her actual physical pain inside her chest. The idea of a life where she couldn’t see his stupid, handsome face every day, or be on the receiving end of his flirty, perfectly spelled texts. If they ever broke up, that would be bad enough. But if Emma took that final step, if she gave up that last bit of her independence, the part of her life that didn’t depend on Killian Jones to make it work, and _then_ they broke up? She wouldn’t survive it.

Back then, she didn’t even know if she wanted to get married. She didn’t know if she wanted distance, or if she wanted a ring, an excuse for Killian to stick around. But she’d  yelled it out anyway, the little comment about marriage, and he had yelled back about

_yes of course some day_

, and by the end of that day he was packing away his stuff from her apartment.

Married. Robin and Regina had just gotten married. Ruby and Victor would be traipsing up the aisle soon enough...Neal was engaged...Milah had been married.

Emma’s face turned into a disgusting smirk. “Oh, and we all know how much you like married women.”

The moment the words left Emma’s mouth she wanted to go die, surprised at how vile and hurtful she could be. But nothing prepared her for the look she saw on Killian’s face.

His anger melted the moment the words left her mouth, hurt evident in the way his eyes filled with sudden tears and the worst of all, he looked disgusted with Emma, of how she could even stoop so low.

Emma wanted to cry, to scream, to apologize profusely, do anything, _anything_ to have him forgive her. But nothing left her mouth – she was honestly shocked at herself, at how she could even ever think of something so hurtful, let alone voice it to the man she loved most. Her heart shattered as she watched him look at her with such disappointment – she could endure annoyance, anger, hell even absolute rage, but never disappointment on the face of the man who had done nothing but support her and take care of her.

So when Killian left, without speaking a word, she didn’t say stand in his way.

After all, she deserved this.

~~xx~~

Emma didn’t know how long she stayed in Ruby’s room. Once Killian had shut the door behind him and she had heard her father’s truck pull out, she’d climbed onto Ruby’s bed, her head dropping on the pillow as the tears just fell.

She cried for everything – for losing Killian, for her loneliness, for the absolute horrendous and unforgivable thing she had just said, and just for him. For wanting him back so _bad_.

After a few hours Ruby slipped inside the room and Emma feigned sleep. Her friend covered her with the thick blanket and then left, shutting the lights off. For a moment Emma felt bad hogging Ruby’s room like that, especially since Victor was there, and they probably had plans for that bed, but then she remembered all the times she’d let Ruby sleep over when she was having guy or girl problems, usually over Victor, and didn’t feel as bad.

She didn’t even know if Killian had gotten home alright. She wouldn’t be too surprised if she found out next morning that Killian had taken a red eye back to New York.

She deserved it.

~~xx~~

Emma headed downstairs the next morning to find Victor eating cereal at Ruby’s breakfast bar. He looked up once she entered and immediately dropped his spoon. “Hey Emma, we’re _so_ sorry that Neal was here yesterday. He wasn’t supposed to be. Ruby kicked him out the moment she saw him.”

Emma raised her hand, not giving two shits about that asshole when she has probably trumped his assholery with just one comment. “It’s okay, whatever.”

Victor looked like he wanted to say something else but remained quiet, and instead offered to make her a cup of coffee.

“No, thanks. Do you mind giving me a ride back home, though? Most of the guests are arriving tonight, I’m sure mom and dad need a lot of help.”

 _Work_. Yes. That might get her mind off of things and...feelings.

“Oh, right. Robin and Regina are coming today aren’t they?” Victor asked as he stood up, fetching his car keys.

Emma hummed in response, her mind racing on whether Killian will be home or had already left her ungrateful ass.

~~xx~~

Her father’s pick -up truck was parked in the driveway which proved that at some point, he had returned home.

She rang the bell and her mother opened the door, already dressed for the day with a determined glint in her eye that hinted at the myriad of tasks still left on her to-do list.

“Emma! How are you? Killian said you’d decided to stay the night at Ruby’s, before he left?” Mary Margaret asked.

“Left?” Emma snapped, her heart stammering all of a sudden. She’d prepared herself for this outcome - it seemed like she was always preparing for the worst these days - but it still stung. She’d hoped...

“Oh yeah, just out with your father for a bit, to make some last minute checks,” she said flippantly, as if she hadn’t just stopped Emma’s heart with that one word.

“Oh,” Emma breathed out, scrambling her features back into a smile. He hadn’t left after all. He was still there. Maybe she’d have her chance to apologize after all.

~~xx~~

After taking a quick shower and stuffing her face with a bagel, Emma silently trailed after her mother, giving herself over to all kinds of boring last minute tasks, folding napkins and name cards. The work helped to distract her, but not so much that she didn’t find herself glancing up towards the front door every so often, waiting for Killian to come back.

She’d apologize; do _anything_ to make him forgive her.

At last the ancient brass handle turned, and the door swung open to reveal her father making his entrance, arms laden with shopping bags. Getting up to help him, she looked out after him to see where Killian had got to, but he just kicked the door closed behind him.

“Where’s Killian?” Emma asked.

“He left to pick up Regina and Robin from the airport,” he said, dropping his armful of bags on the kitchen counter. “I told him they’d just take a taxi, but he insisted.”

“David!” Mary Margaret scolded her husband. “You should’ve at least let him come inside for a glass of water and something to eat or something before he left!”

“I tried!” David insisted. “But he wouldn’t hear of it. He just said he was worried about making good time, and wanted to leave as soon as possible.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Are Robin and Killian really good friends or something?” he asked Emma.

“Yeah,” she said, playing along. It wasn’t exactly a lie. Killian and Robin were close enough. And she was hardly going to tell her parents that he just didn’t want to see her.

Around 6 that night, exhausted from all the wedding minutiae and sitting on the couch with her eyes glued to the door, waiting for him, she received a text –

_Will have dinner with R &R. Tell your parents to not wait for me. Don’t know when I’ll be back._

She slumped lower into the couch, swallowing down angry tears.

~~xx~~

She hadn’t even noticed herself falling asleep on the couch but when she woke up, it was dark outside. There was a blanket covering her and a note left on the coffee table in her mother’s handwriting –

_There is some pasta left in the fridge. Eat it before you head upstairs; you need all the energy for tomorrow!!!!_

She smiled at her mother’s sweetness but the way she was feeling – disappointed in herself, and downcast by Killian’s rejection – she doubted anything would stay in her stomach.

Heading upstairs, she was surprised to find Killian asleep in their shared bed. For some reason, she had assumed he would stay at Regina’s house, or rent a room at Granny’s, or hell even sleep in her dad’s truck just to avoid her.

Once upon a time, he used to carry her to bed if she ever fell asleep in front of the TV, but they were long past that now.

Silently, she just padded towards the bed, not caring about her night routine or changing into comfortable clothes or even taking her bra off. She gently slipped under the thin blanket covering him, his face turned towards her in sleep.

He looked so soft, so peaceful, yet when she snuggled closer to him, she could see the lines beside his eyes - not the happy creases that he got when he genuinely smiled - but the stressed ones, and she brought her fingers up to smooth them away.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, her fingers caressing his jaw lightly now, their legs tangled together.

He didn’t even stir, and she snuggled closer to him until her lips were almost touching his, the stubble on his chin rubbing against her smooth one. With a deep sigh, and her hand cupping his jaw, she finally fell asleep.

~~xx~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry. Lol.   
> Honestly though, the comment Emma made about Killian liking married women was ahhhh. But people say hurtful and assholish things when they are angry and upset. Hopefully y'all and Killian can forgive her? 
> 
> Also, 2 more chapters left yaaaay!
> 
> I strive on your lovely reviews <3
> 
> Also, follow me on tumblr (same name), I do post sneak peaks of upcoming chapters if I'm in a good mood and someone was lovely to me.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit of a long chapter but there's tons going on so I hope you guys like it :)

Emma woke up to the sound of men shouting. The clock on the bed stand indicated it being 6:30 in the morning and she vaguely recalled this was the time when the tent people were arriving.

Killian was nowhere in sight but his suitcase was still there, and the blanket was covering her to her chin. It might have been wishful thinking on her part, but she remembered that when they used to be together, he’d always pull the covers over her and kiss her forehead before he left for his morning run.

She headed downstairs quickly, now changed into a plain blue summer dress. After quickly gulping down a glass of milk, she set about finding her parents. The house was full of men and women shouting instructions to each other and Emma could already feel a headache forming.

She finally found her mom by the door to the backyard, instructing some teenager on the right way to put flowers. Emma called out, and once Mary Margaret turned, she enveloped her in a huge hug. “Happy anniversary, mom.”

“Aww Emma, thank you.” Her mother squeezed her once before releasing her. She cradled her cheek and spoke, “I’m _so_ glad you’re here.”

“I’m happy to be here too.” And it was true. Despite all her mixed emotions and the way she had sabotaged herself at every turn, she was still glad she came. She missed her parents. She thought she might have even missed her stupid, boring town.

If only she was actually with Killian, her life would be pretty fucking good right now.

“Where are dad and Killian?”

Mary Margaret turned around then, picking up a clip-board she’d been carrying all around, consulting her notes. “They went to get David’s suit.”

“Both of them?”

Her mother snorted. “That’s what I said. I know your father has a crush, but this morning it was Killian insisting on tagging along!”

“Let me guess, they’re gonna be gone a long time for that?” Emma tried to keep the bitterness out of her tone, but she didn’t quite succeed. He was avoiding her like the damn plague.

“They are just going to check with the caterer after that, and then they’re home. But I think Killian was going to go check on Regina and some other guests as well.”

Emma sighed and her face fell.

“Is everything alright, Emma?” Mary Margaret asked, her eyebrows twitching together as she intently stared at her daughter. “Are you and Killi-”

“Everything’s fine, mom” Emma plastered on a smile – she didn’t like the perceptive and almost knowing look in her mother’s eyes. “Killian and I have just haven’t had much time together, you know?”

* * *

 

After a few moments where Emma kept the smile plastered on her face, Mary Margaret finally relaxed and grabbed her by her shoulders, “Honey, I know this week has been really hectic and you and Killian were probably looking for some relaxing and romantic time away from the city, and not all of this chaos. But you’re here for one more week, right? There’ll be plenty of quality time,” her mother teased her. “But also some time with me and your dad. We’ve missed you!”

Emma was glad her mom bought her bait and mistook her sigh for simple disappointment about not being able to spend time with Killian. She wasn’t ready for them to find out the truth just yet. Not on their anniversary, at least.

“You’re good?” Mary Margaret asked, and Emma nodded. “Good, ‘cause I need you to make sure they don’t mess up the decorations outside. I want it to look as if Snow White and Prince Charming themselves are getting married!”

~~xx~~

The day went by quickly as Emma was engrossed in all the last minute preparations, up to and including calming her mother down when she discovered the florist messed up the flower bouquet. Her father returned home alone around noon, bringing sandwiches from Granny’s for all of them. She had hugged him warmly and wished him congratulations, and a whispered thank you for picking up a bear claw for her without her even needing to ask.

He’d dropped off Killian earlier at the Mills house, he’d said, on the proviso that he’d make it back with plenty of time to get ready for the main event later.

Ruby arrived earlier than she needed to do Mary Margaret’s hair and makeup, quickly drawing Emma aside to apologize again for Neal’s peek-a-boo appearance. Emma, who was well aware of Mary Margaret’s lingering presence nearby, was quick to reassure her she was fine. The last thing she needed was her parents finding out Neal was back in town. She just hoped his instincts for self-preservation wouldn’t lead him to gate crash her parents’ party as well. He’d caught her by surprise last night, but she wouldn’t let him get away unscathed next time he showed up where he wasn’t wanted. And she didn’t even want to think about what her father or Killian would do if they saw him.

With a warning look to Ruby, Emma escaped out into the backyard, which was beginning to look rather cute with all the flowers, seats and tables arranged. The altar had been set up just in front of the little pond with a few fairy lights decorating it. It was all really simple, yet elegant.

The doorbell rang, disturbing her first peaceful moment in weeks and she rushed towards it, hoping it was the baker with the cupcakes he’d forgotten earlier. She already had a scowl on her face when she opened the door, but it fell away instantly when she saw Killian standing on the opposite side of it.

“Hi,” she breathed out, not knowing what else to say.

“Swan,” he nodded and brushed past her without another word, hurrying towards the stairs.

Anger boiled up inside her at his easy dismissal. Not just for that moment, but for all those since that night at Ruby’s house. Yes, she had been cruel and unthinking, but could he really blame her for being confused by him? One minute he’s up for a little fun in the shower, and the next, he’s on the phone with Katie, who is clearly under the impression that their client-attorney relationship is coming with a few extra privileges. She should at the very least get a chance to apologize.

Taking a deep breath to calm herself down, Emma followed him. He was still scouring through his suitcase trying to find his towel when she entered the room, his back to her.

“Killian,” she said, waiting for him to turn or stop, but he just continued his search as if she wasn’t there.

“Killian?” she repeated. No answer.

“ _Killian_?” she stepped closer, but all she got was him now moving his stuff even more aggressively.

“Killian, will you fucking listen to me?” she snapped, biting her tongue to calm herself down. He was already riled up and they would get nowhere if she kept this up.

“I’m not interested in talking to you, Swan,” he said, still without looking at her.

“Well tough luck buddy cause I want to talk to you!”

Finally he turned around. “About what? About Milah or Katie?”

“Listen, what I said was wrong and I’m _so_ sorry, Killian, I was such an assho-”

“Or about how you don’t trust me?” he interrupted her. “How you still can’t see exactly _why_ I’m doing this.”

“Why are you doing this?” she blurted out. _You know why_ , a little voice inside said. _Of course_ she knew, but she was too scared to actually admit it to herself, to give herself that little gleam of hope. She needed to hear him say it.

But all he did was shake his head in disbelief. “You know I thought I could read you like an open book, love. And I thought that you could read me too, but I think perhaps we were both simply reading the wrong books this entire fucking time.”

“Don’t say that.” She stepped closer to him, raising her hands in warning and when he didn’t move, rested them on his shoulders. “I’m still me, and you’re still you. What we have is real. We care about each other, truly do understand each other. Don’t we?”

It was in that moment when she saw the anger disappear from him as his stance relaxed. Emma wasn’t sure whether it was her words, or the absolute desperation gleaming in her eyes, but whatever it was made him drop his head, his chin resting on his chest. He breathed loudly before looking back at her, a wry and tired smile on his lips which didn’t reach his eyes. “Katie’s the wife of Gaston.”

“Gold’s rival?” she asked, her interest piqued. She remembered him telling her about this sleaze of a man who not only rivaled Gold in business, but also in who could be the bigger asshole.

“Aye. Word’s out that Katie and Gaston will be getting a divorce. Gold wants her case so he could rob Gaston by fighting for the highest settlement possible and of course the added wrath of revelling as Gaston gets robbed by his wife,” he explained. “Which is why he wants me to be, uhm, be close to her. Its wrong and unprofessional but you know Gold, he plays dirty. He can’t fight the case himself but I can for him since I’m a senior partner now.”

A smile broke out on Emma’s face, “Senior? When did you get promoted?”

“Three months ago,” he looked at her, a wistful look in his eyes. “Once I got the news, I almost called you…my thumb was on the call button just beside your name and then I stopped once I remembered. It was strange…never in my life had I been so happy and so sad at the same time. It drove me crazy that I couldn’t call the one person in my life who I actually wanted to share this with, who would actually _be_ happy for me.”

Emma smiled sadly, “I _am_ happy for you.”

“And then you called me and asked me to come here with you and I thought that maybe we could still fix this.”

Emma’s heart beat increased as he said those words, finally admitting that he came here hoping for a second chance - just what she was hoping for too. 

He sighed, “But Emma your walls are still high, you are still too scared to take any step further. To think about our future.”

Emma shook her head,“I’m not sca-”

“You _are_ , my love.” He moved closer to her, cupping her cheeks as his eyes bore into hers, “Tell me Emma, would you still move in with me?”

Emma hesitated, and it was with that hesitation that she realized how awful she was. Every bone in her body was saying _yes_ , her heart was saying _yes_ , but her mind was still lost somewhere, not allowing her to just trust herself, to push the anxiety down. To trust that it would all work out.

Neal’s smirking face from the night before suddenly flashed in her mind.

“No,” she dropped her hands from his shoulders and crossed them in front of her chest, taking a step back which forced his hands to drop as well.

But she could talk about it with him.

“But we can tal-”

“No need to elaborate Swan. Message received loud and clear.” He nodded, his eyes glassy and with a little sad curl of his lips, yanked his towel from the chair beside her and locked himself in the bathroom.

~~xx~~

Emma declined Ruby’s offer to help her get ready. She was going to stick to minimal makeup and just curl her hair a bit – nothing that she can’t manage by herself. She also wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone right now, needing this time to just reflect on what was becoming of her and Killian’s relationship.

Mary Margaret knocked on her door before letting herself in. “Oh god, Emma, you look beautiful!”

“Thanks, Mom,” she said, blushing a little. “But you steal the show, you look amazing! Ruby really worked some magic, huh?”

Mary Margaret might have turned red from the compliment, if it weren’t for the pale makeup. She asked Emma to sit back down, and face the mirror as she stood behind her.

“I have something for you,” she said, a measure of emotion creeping into her voice.

“It’s your anniversary, mom. You’re the one who gets the presents,” Emma said pointedly.

“I’m your mom, I can give you anything whenever I want. Now close your eyes.”

“Mom-“

“Close your eyes, Emma.”

“Fine.”

Emma felt her mother’s fingers around her neck and she didn’t even need to open her eyes to know what it was. “Mom, you don’t have to.”

“I do. Your grandmother wore this when she was getting married, now it’s yours.”

“I know, you’ve told me this story like a billion times.” Emma held the little blue pendant in her hands. As a kid she used to fantasize about wearing it, but her Mom never let her.

“Why are you giving this to me now?” Emma asked, turning around to face her mother.

“You know how Grandma Ruth always used to say how your father’s ring points towards _True Love_? Well this pendant is what my Mom used to believe in. Now that you have Killian, I think it’s fitting. It’s a reminder of what you have with him.”

Emma gulped hard, and bit her tongue. The urge to just blurt everything right then was strong, to just cry and pour everything out to her mother and let her hold her and make hot cocoa and give her a stupid hope speech. But it was her anniversary, and she was not going to ruin this.

“You think what Killian and I have is… _it_?” Emma asked.

“I don’t think even your father looks at me the way Killian looks at you. And you know your father is known to be _the_ most romantic guy.” She laughed and cupped Emma’s cheek softly in her palm. “He loves you a lot, and I know you love him too, Emma. This is _it_ , honey.”

David called out for them both then, making Emma jump slightly.

“He wants to take some family pictures before people start arriving, let’s go.”

~~xx~~

Emma kept Killian’s gaze as she descended down the stairs, not missing the way his eyes drifted to her father’s as the men shared big grins.

“Swan,” he said breathily, aware of the fact that her parents were within earshot, “You look-”

“I know,” she smirked, and a little surge of pride went through her when she saw him smile genuinely at her teasing.

“Alright, pictures near the altar before people start coming in, c’mon!” her father ordered, pushing them both in the right direction.

“Mate, I can stay at the front door in case someone arrives early?” Killian offered.

“But, Killian, we’re doing family pictures!” Mary Margaret exclaimed, linking her arms with him. “We can’t do them without a member.”

Emma knew Killian was touched by the way his eyebrows furrowed, and all she wanted to do was hug him in the moment. He hadn’t known much family - just his brother who died and then Milah, who had left him heartbroken. Then of course her, who had _also_ left him heartbroken.

The photographer had them do many different poses, all of them requiring Emma to be in very close proximity to Killian. His hand on her waist, his body pressing behind her as his chin rested on her shoulder. Emma’s arms around his shoulders as he sat on the couch with her father, Emma on his lap, and many others.

Ruby joined them a while later, all dressed up, and joined in on some photographs of just the ladies.

The photographer also wanted Killian and Emma to kiss in one but Killian refused, making a joke out of it using David, and they all laughed while Emma tried to ignore the sting she felt at his refusal. When the photographer asked Emma to kiss him, she grabbed his cheek and pressed a loud kiss on it, making him giggle and in turn making her giggle too. Her mother had audibly _awwww’d_ at them then, and Killian had taken a bow.

They ended the photo-shoot once the doorbell rang, and Ruby ran in her stilettos to open it, telling them all to remain calm. But of course her mother jumped up and asked David to make sure that the waiters and waitresses have the drinks ready.

Robin and Regina were the first to come, Roland looking adorable in a little tux and carrying a wrapped present in his arms. He offered the Nolan’s the present and wished them a happy anniversary, Mary Margaret kneeling down to his level to coo over his adorable dimples.

Soon enough, other guests arrived and by the end of the hour, Emma was certain her parents had indeed invited the entire town. Killian had stuck by her side most of the night, his arm casually on her waist as she introduced him to people she hadn’t seen for years, and truthfully didn’t care for much. But it forced Killian to stay close to her and touch her, to kiss her cheek or forehead once in a while, and she could endure a ridiculous amount of small talk if she got this in return.

“Don’t eat the spring rolls, they’re a bit spicy,” he advised her as he came back to join her with their drinks.

“Says the man who puts hot sauce on literally everything.”

He mockingly rolled his eyes. “Spicy for you, genius. I would still put hot sauce on them.”

Emma bumped her shoulder with his. “Well then, don’t eat that cheese and spinach thing, it has _way_ too much cheese.”

“Wasn’t planning to. Don’t want to spend my evening in the bathroom.”

“God, it must suck being lactose intolerant.”

“You love it,” he narrowed his eyes at her. “This way I don’t steal your grilled cheese.”

Emma snorted. “True. Perfect match.”

She turned to look at her parents standing at the altar but could feel Killian’s eyes boring into the side of her head. “What?” she asked, suddenly feeling conscious with the intensity of his gaze.

“Nothing,” he said, clenching his jaw as he turned, looking away from her. And just like that, the awkward tension was back between them.

~~xx~~

Emma would never admit it, but she had to wipe away tears more than once as she watched her parents renewing their vows. She turned around once she saw her mom crying as her dad spoke his vows, and ended up burying her face in Killian’s chest as he was standing right behind her.

His hand came up to her shoulder, for show of course, since everyone could see them as they stood just at the corner of the altar. What kind of boyfriend would he be if he just let his girlfriend cry without offering any visible comfort?

But then he spoke. “That’s alright, Swan. Not everyone gets to see their parents professing their love this way.”

She smiled, and finally gave in, bringing both her arms around him and her heart leapt as she felt him kiss the top of her head as his arms tightened around her.

~~xx~~

“So what’s the verdict?” Regina asked as she sat beside Emma at the chairs away from everyone.

“Even outside the office you sound like a politician. _Verdict?_ Who says that?”

Regina rolled her eyes, “Why was Jones at our place most of the time today? Although my mom and him did seem to hit it off well. Weirdly.”

Both women turned to see Killian indeed, talking and laughing with Cora Mills.

“Weird.” They both blurted at once, smiling at each other before Regina raised her eyebrow, still waiting for an answer.

“I don’t know. He missed Robin?” Emma offered.

“Emma.”

“Regina,” Emma shot back in that same warning tone.

“ _Emma_.”

“ _Regina_ ”

“Fucking fuck Emma!”

Emma sighed, “We had a fight, okay? I said something very assholish and then he ignored me. _Happy_?”

“He doesn’t seem to be ignoring you now, though.” Regina answered, ignoring Emma’s not so nice tone.

“Yeah, only because everyone is here. The moment the party is over, it’ll be back to ignoring me.”

“Didn’t you apologize to him for whatever you said?”

“Of course I did! ” Emma sighed in annoyance. “He forgave me for that, I think, but then he asked me if I could see a future with him…you know the moving in talk again.”

“And you still said no?” Regina said in disbelief. “Dear lord, Miss Swan!”

“What does that mean?” Emma snapped.

“Just that why on earth would you make the same mistake again?”

“I’m not...I’m not ready.”

“Emma have you ever actually even asked yourself the question about your future? Have you ever even envisioned it? Cause you’re a _let’s go with the flow_ kind of person, which is good, but sometimes you have to sit down and think about things, to plan them.”

Emma narrowed her eyes. Regina had a point. She had never actually really thought about moving in with Killian or thought about what her future held. Even after the breakup, she never thought about moving in with him, but rather just fantasized about immediate things like how she vaguely hoped she might run into him at the grocery store, so she could tell him she still loved him.

She never really thought about her future, about their future since it seemed so scary and far-away. But now that she thought about it, it doesn’t seem that scary. She’d already had to live months without him in her life. Anything had to be better than that.

~~xx~~

Killian surprised her by pulling her in for a dance. He was swaying lightly to the beat, some Ed Sheeran song playing in the background and it took everything in her to not rest her cheek against his chest.

He didn’t move even after the next song started playing and she started noticing how tense he was. “Are you okay?” she asked.

Killian looked down at her. “You know I just want you to be happy?”

Emma nodded stupidly, not knowing what was even going on. But before she could ask, he was cupping her jaw and kissing her. His lips were soft yet insistent against her, his tongue curling with hers. His fingers moved down to dig deep at the small of her back, while Emma was holding onto him tightly as her knees were about to give out from this earth shattering kiss.

He separated from her but kept her close. His blue eyes were widened with so much despair and his chest was heaving loudly, making Emma tighten her grip on his shoulders.

She wanted to tell him that she’s ready, or at the very least she was ready to talk to him about their future. She didn’t even have to think too much to come to the conclusion that he had a place in her future, that _he_ was her future.

But she still had a week to talk to him, to show him just how ready she was for this. Still plenty of time to find the right words.

“Emma, you look beautiful, as always.” He kissed her again, his lips brushing against hers, once, twice, and then with a smile to her which didn’t reach his eyes, he left the room.

~~xx~~

Emma assumed he’d gone upstairs to get something, or to think, or anything really, but after she hadn’t seen him in almost half an hour and had danced with her father, Uncle Leroy, Roland, and Uncle Happy, she went upstairs to look for him herself.

She felt a cold dread set in her once she noticed that his suitcase was gone and a folded note sat on the bed.

Sitting on the bed and trying to control the dam of tears threatening to burst, she unfolded the letter.

_Dearest Emma,_

_Let me start by apologizing to you. I can’t do this anymore, Swan. I honestly thought I’d be able to do this - I don’t know whether it was in the hopes of getting you back or just so I could get to spend a splendid two weeks with you._

_Love, I wanted… scrap that I still want a future with you but it seems like you don’t. It’s fine, really it is. But I’m sorry; I can’t be with you like this, knowing you’re not willing to really be with me. It hurts, love. More than I can bear. I hope you understand._

_I still love you, and I know you still love me too, but we’re strong people. We’ll survive. I know for certain that you, my brilliant red leather jacket wearing ass-kicking hell of a woman will definitely survive. I wish you all the best, and all the happiness in the world._

_Yours only,_

_Killian Jones_

_P.S. I gave your parents my gifts before the party even started but am not saying goodbye to them. I did write them an apology letter similar to this, minus all the feelings of course. I’m leaving it up to you whether you want to tell them the truth or you could just tell them I had a work emergency and I’ll then call them apologizing profusely._

Emma threw the letter down in anger. Even after all this he still cared and was still willing to call her parents to keep this charade up. She stomped the letter with her heel once and suddenly tears started falling rapidly from her eyes.

She looked up startled as the door to her room was jerked open. Her parents stood on the side of the threshold both of them with sharing worried expressions. David was clutching a piece of paper in his hand.

“ _Emma_ ,” her mother spoke softly, sitting beside her and taking her hand in hers. “You can tell us anything. You can _finally_ tell us the truth.”

Another wave of sobs broke through Emma and her father knelt down in front of both women. “Emma,” he said, taking her hand in his and giving it a reassuring squeeze hand in his and squeezed.

“I didn’t want to ruin your anniversary,” Emma cried. “And that’s exactly what I’m doing right now.”

“Emma you could never ruin _anything_ for us.”

“Now tell us everything,” David nodded supportingly.

Emma took a deep, calming breath and started her story.

~~xx~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LOVE YOU ALL FOR LEAVING SUCH AMAZING REVIEWS <3  
> Honestly, I'm blown away by your support :)
> 
> And I know I'm sorry, I actually never realized this story was angsty as I was writing it but hey one more chapter!!!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is end people! I'm sorry I was late in updating because I added a scene to this, and well, I hope the end lives up to your expectations. 
> 
> I really appreciate everyone who left their lovely reviews (even if you were just yelling at me or Emma loool)
> 
> Hope you like it :)

“ _Emma_.” Mary Margaret brushed the tears away from her cheeks. “Honey, why would you ever feel the need to do all of that for us? You know your father and I will support you, no matter what you do. If you truly didn’t want to be with Killian, we would have supported you!”

After Emma didn’t reply her father spoke instead, “Emma, please talk to us.”

“I-” She tried to calm her sobs. “I didn’t tell you because I _knew_ you’d make me go back to him-”

“Emma, we wouldn’t if that’s not what you wa-”

“But don’t you see? I do want it!” Emma interrupted. “And I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d make me see things clearer, and tell me how great we are together, and I didn’t want that ‘cause…”

“Because?”

Emma exhaled loudly, defeated. “Because I was scared, okay? I love him. More than anything. I couldn’t bear the thought that he’d ever leave me…I can’t lose him.”

Mary Margaret seemed puzzled by this logic. “But, Emma, by breaking up with him, you did lose him.”

“Yeah, but it’s better to break up now than when you’re living together, or married or something,” she reasoned, and the moment the words left her mouth, she realized just how stupid they sounded.

“But that’s a risk you have to take,” Mary Margaret said, clutching her daughter’s hands tightly in hers. “Love is freaking scary, Emma. You put yourself out there. You open yourself up, and sometimes you get hurt. But, Emma, I promise you that when it’s right, when it’s true, what you get back is worth it. _Love is worth it_.”

She looked between her parents, as even more tears began to track down her face.

“Go find him, Emma,” David urged. “If he’s who you want, you have to fight for him. You deserve love in your life.”

Emma stood up abruptly, her parent’s words hitting her hard.

* * *

 

She was at the door before she knew it, but just before she could turn the knob, she turned back to her parents, “But... your anniversary! We’re, I mean, I’m still supposed to be here for another week.”

Mary Margaret shook her head good-naturedly. “Emma, the greatest gift you could give us right now is to go get your happy ending!” Her mother stood up and walked over to gather her daughter in her arms. “And don’t forget to tell us what happens!”

“Never be afraid to tell us anything Emma. We will support you, no matter what,” David said, coming over to give her a quick hug too.

With a final smile to her parents, she quickly grabbed her purse and headed downstairs, hoping to catch Killian at the airport. She was greeted by Robin who was leaning against the railing of the stairway.

He smiled knowingly as Emma approached him. “Regina mentioned you’d need a ride.”

Emma didn’t know how much Robin had heard, but in that moment, she’d never been more glad to have the Hood-Mills family as her friend. “And step on it!”

~~xx~~

Emma left Robin idling outside Departures, telling him to go back to Storybrooke and enjoy what was left of the party.

“I’ll be fine,” Emma assured him, as she opened the passenger door towards the curb. “Either I’m headed back to New York, or I’ll get a cab back.” Then with one last hurried thank you to her friend, she headed for the terminal.

She scoured the latest departures, and once her gaze landed on the New York bound flight, her heart sank. It had finished up boarding just 10 minutes ago. The next flight was going to start boarding in about an hour and Emma was forced to make a choice – let him go and probably lose him forever, or go after him and fight for their relationship.

Regina’s words rang loudly in her ears, _this little drama of yours is either going to end up with you both happy or really fucking miserable._

Well, if it was up to Emma, she chose to be happy.

With a quick text fired to her parents, she headed towards the sales desk.

~~xx~~

He wasn’t home.

After knocking on his door a couple of times, Emma pressed her ear to it and heard absolutely nothing. For a minute, she was afraid that he was actually inside and just didn’t want to see her. But thinking of it, he had no way of knowing it was her pounding on his door in the early hours of morning. Not without checking the peephole anyway, and she hadn’t heard any movement inside at all. Emboldened by that thought, she pushed her doubts aside.

There were a couple of places she could think of where Killian might have gone to escape his own thoughts, but one in particular stood out in her mind.

He always sought out the water when he was upset.

~~xx~~

Emma paid the cab driver off as soon as she spotted the familiar silhouette that sat low on the bench. The weather was gloomy and dark, grey clouds marring the sky. It really wasn’t the best weather for a romantic and hopefully happy end.

She knew he tended to come here whenever he was particularly stressed – this same bench by the East River, the Brooklyn Bridge overhead wending its way into Manhattan. He liked it here, where the constant clamor of distant police sirens and horns played second fiddle to the steady lapping of the water against the bank. He’d found it calming, he’d say, a quiet oasis in the midst of this busy city.

Emma took a couple of deep calming breaths before she made her way towards him. He must have been deep into his thoughts because he didn’t notice her approach until she’d already sat down on the opposite side of his bench, and turned to face him.

Killian did a double take, his eyes widening as his gaze fell on the woman beside him “Emma?”

“Hey,” she said, her voice surprisingly clear, despite her nerves. She couldn’t fault him for being surprised. She wasn’t really one for grand romantic gestures, and the plan she had concocted was certainly verging on rom-com territory.

“What? What are you doing here?” he asked, pushing his hair away from his forehead roughly. “Your parents…”

“You left,” she stated, adding a little shrug as to not seem accusatory.

His eyes wandered over her,

“Emma,” he finally spoke, when he seemed convinced enough that she wasn’t simply an apparition, come to torment him. “What the bloody hell are you doing here?”

“Trying to make a grand romantic gesture?” She tilted her head, her lips lifting in a teasing smile. “I mean, I’ve got the location working in my favour. I figured it was worth a shot,” she said, arm sweeping wide to take in the stunning vista.

“Do you mean…” He paused, eyebrows knitting together in a frown. “You wish to get back together?”

“That’s what I’m saying,” she said, his frown giving her pause. “I know I’ve been all kinds of awful to you, but honestly all I want is another shot.”

“Emma,” he said, sounding exhausted. “What would be the point? You don’t really want a future with me. You don’t want to move in with me. You clearly don’t want to marry me. _I_ want those things. I can’t just go back to how things were, and pretend that I don’t want more, because I do. I really _really_ do.”

He sounded utterly defeated, and it broke Emma’s heart.

“No,” she said, scooting forward. “You don’t get it. I do want a future with you. I want to move in. I want to get married someday. Kids, maybe. A Labrador, if you want. I want it _all_.”

That pulled him up short.

“You... do?” he asked, sounding uncertain.

“I really do,” she stated firmly, her heart feeling lighter at the confession. “I was afraid before, afraid that I was somehow going to lose you. And I know it sounds stupid ‘cause I broke up with you, which means I did lose you then anyways, but I was screwed up. I was worried that if I let myself depend on you, I’d just end up getting hurt. With Neal…” It almost felt wrong, saying his name in this moment, but she had to get through this. She had to tell him the truth.

“When Neal betrayed me, it hurt so fucking bad. And I mean, I _know_ it wasn’t my fault, but I guess some part of me figured that I didn’t deserve to be loved. That deep down he knew that, and that was why he left me. And that just scared the fuck out of me.”

Killian made a noise of protest, but Emma held up a hand to silence him.

“I know it’s stupid, okay? But that’s how I felt. That’s why, when you came along and you were everything I ever wanted, I guess I panicked. Too good to be true, you know? I thought it’d be easier if I ended things before I got in too deep, but It made me miserable, Killian; being away from you. And I _know_ it made you miserable too. And I know it sounds crazy to just get back together now like this bu-”

“It doesn’t sound crazy, Emma,” Killian finally spoke, the beginnings of a smile stretching across his lips. “It sounds like music to this Brits’ ears.”

“Yeah?” Emma asked, returning his grin.

“Aye,” he replied, moving closer.

“Listen, I know we need to talk about…well, everything really. But can we just go back to your place, for tonight?” When he raised a suggestive eyebrow at that, she smacked his shoulder. “Not for _that_. Can’t we just hang out? Drink cocoa and watch something really lame on TV, like we used to?”

“I would very much like that,” he said, bringing his arm around her waist and pulling her to him. “But I also seem to remember leaving something _unfinished_ in the bathroom a couple of days ago?”

Emma blushed. “You started it.”

“I did not!”

“Did so! You even kissed me first that night, after the party!”

“I- What?” he asked, brought up short again.

“The night after the party at Granny’s?” Emma repeated. “You kissed me when we got home. And then you passed out. It was super classy.”

A look of realization crossed his features. “Ah. So that’s why you were ignoring me the next day.”

“Well, yeah. I didn’t know how much you remembered and....”

Emma bit her lip, knowing she had to get something out before things went any further. “I also just wanted to say that I’m sorry. We broke up because of me, and even now all of this, it’s all my fault.”

“Emma, no. It’s not your fault. Maybe I should’ve als-”

“Killian,” she interrupted him, knowing he’d want to somehow redistribute the blame, but she couldn’t let him do that. “Let me. And there was also what I said to you the night of the pool party. You have to know that I’m so _so_ sorry, Killian. I only said it because I ran into Neal that night -“

“ _Neal was there_?” He looked almost angry, “How dare he?”

“It’s okay” Emma smiled, sighing before she continued, “He came with a fiancée and I was jealous, and confused, and I regretted the words as soon as I said them. I never meant to hurt you.”

“I know,” he said with a small smile. “And you shouldn’t feel too bad. I haven’t exactly been entirely blameless. Flirting with another woman, when you’re hopelessly in love with someone else is poor form indeed. Even if it’s just to secure her as a client. I should have told Gold to go to hell. Which I _will_ , as soon as he starts responding to my messages.” He leaned forward then, his nose brushing hers. “Now, if we’re done with all this forgiveness nonsense, I’d very much like to kiss you, _soberly_ now.”

Emma laughed. “God this is too much like _The Proposal_.”

“I will never understand your love for that movie.” He shook his head, but reached up a hand to cup her jaw, pushing her silky golden locks away from her face.

“Ryan Reynolds follows Sandra Bullock all the way back to New York in the climax, and then they ki-”

She never got a chance to finish her sentence as Killian dove in and kissed her, his lips moving softly yet urgently against hers, his hands moving down to press her more tightly to him. Emma released a surprised grunt but soon met every stroke of his tongue, as her hands did some exploring of their own. They separated for air for only a moment before diving back in, the kiss gentler this time as they swayed slightly in each other’s arms.

This kissed was mixed with everything – forgiveness, relief, longing, and love. Emma sighed into his mouth as a smile crept up her face, a grin so big that it made him grin as well and soon they were clanking their teeth together as they attempted to keep kissing.

They were back home.

~~xx~~

He dropped her hand as he fished for the keys from his pocket to open his door, but Emma missing his touch already, stood behind him and hugged him from behind, her cheek pressing between his shoulder blades. He just chuckled and turned, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her inside with him.

Emma had imagined that once they’d get home they would both just break from the sexual tension and the longing – that they’d pounce on each other and have at least one orgasm each under their belts before they even make it to his bedroom.

But they’re quiet and comfortable, just satisfied with simple and sweet touches, and nonsensical conversation.

“Pick the movie, love, I’m just going to go change.” He informed her, Emma raising an eyebrow as he was still wearing his dress pants and shirt he wore to the party. Apparently he’d only dropped his stuff to his apartment before he had headed towards his favourite spot.

He in turn ran his gaze over her own dress, “Would you like a change of clothes?”

“Yes, please.” She rose on her toes to press a final kiss to his lips, just because she could now, before she let him go.

Sitting down on the couch she ran her gaze around the room. She’d been here hundreds of times. She missed this. It still warmed her heart to see that he still had the painting she had brought him of the Lady Washington put up, and a photo frame of the two of them with the Mills-Hood family, still sat at the table beside the television.

Emma smiled to herself as she put on some Disney movie and slumped down on his couch. It was 4:24 am in the morning, a time at which Emma would never be caught awake, especially since it was softly raining outside, yet she had never felt so alive in her life.

Killian threw a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt on her lap before he headed to the kitchen to make them hot cocoas, a big grin following him at just how domestic and familiar this all felt. Him and Emma watching stupid movies while drinking hot chocolate sprawled out on his couch. He never thought he’d have that again. He still vaguely thinks he’s just dreaming and soon enough he’ll wake up to a cold and empty bed, but once he comes back with their mugs and Emma smiles brightly at him as she settles in his arms, he knows it’s true.

Emma sighed, Killian feeling her entire body shake against his chest, making him look down at her, “Everything alright, love?”

She looked up then, her cheek pressed to his chest and she tightens her hold on his waist, “Just thinking how stupid I’m that because of me we wasted a good eight months.”

“It’s not stupid, Swan,” he brushed the loose strands away from her face, “There’s nothing wrong in being afraid or uncertain. Love is a journey and all I want is for us to be together at the end of it.”

“You’re so sappy.” She teased him, “God, I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” He kissed her forehead, “Don’t ever leave me again, Swan.”

Emma turned in his arms, kneeling in front of him as he watched her with a raised eyebrow. The little mischievous glint in his eyes told Emma that he _knew_ what she up to.

So she just grabbed his shoulders and pulled him to her, their lips meeting halfway through. Killian’s hand tangled in her hair while the other circled her waist to pull her closer until she was straddling him, her fingers dragging along the hem of his shirt to lift it off of him.

Killian allowed her to remove his shirt, groaning as Emma’s mouth closed around his nipple instantly, his own fingers caressing her hips gently. As her hands wandered to the waistband of his sweat pants, Emma’s brain started functioning again and _damn_ her self-control sometimes astounds her as well because she pulls away from him.

“Fuck Killian, I’m so sorry.” She mumbled, trying not to swoon over how adorable he looked with his lips kiss-swollen, his breathing ragged, and his hair sticking everywhere, thanks to her fingers.

“What? Why?” He leaned in but Emma stopped him with a hand on his chest.

“I said we wouldn’t do _this_ , but yet I’m trying to have sex with you…I mean we still have a lot to talk about and all…” Her eyebrows furrowed, but _why exactly couldn’t she just fuck him before the talking?_

“And like…” She rambled, unsure of exactly why she did stop this, “We should probably, maybe I don’t know, talk abo-”

Emma’s half-ass reason is cut mid-sentence as Killian cupped her cheek, “Would you stop apologizing if I kissed you?”

Instead of answering, Emma grinned as she leaned in, their lips meeting in a slow and languid kiss. She lets him switch their positions, Killian pressing Emma into the couch as he trailed kisses down her cheek, to her jaw, and neck.

He looked up at her once his mouth reached the top of her breasts, her pebbled nipples straining against his thin shirt. She smiled at him then, fuck it all, she could enjoy one quiet moment with him. It didn’t matter that they hadn’t really talked about where they stand with each other at the moment, or that there was still some lingering hurt and anger left. Because right now, all Emma really wanted was to lose herself with Killian. And the way his eyes had blown wide with desire, he was on the same page as well.

Her smile was all the permission he needed before his lips closed around her nipple, Emma feeling the heat of his mouth even through the barrier of cloth. The sensation was short lived as he soon moved down, pressing quick kisses everywhere before he grabbed the waistband of the sweatpants she was wearing and dragged it down along with her underwear, Emma lifting her hips and kicking them off her ankles until they were forgotten on the floor.

She was moving to take her shirt off as well, but Killian spread her legs then, exposing her to his gaze and she couldn’t move a single muscle in her body then if she wanted to. He ran his knuckles on the inside of her thighs, slowly coming closer to where she was now aching for him; his fingers, mouth, cock, _anything_. And just when she thought he’s about to touch her, he moves towards her, his hips settling into the cradle of her thighs and his sweatpants doing absolutely nothing to hide how much she’s affected him.

“Emma” he breathed, settling his weight on his elbows before he kissed her, a dirty and fierce kiss which made her push her hips up to his in search of some relief, Killian chuckling then as he separated from her. With a wink to her, he returns to his previous position with his hands keeping her legs separate.

His knuckles brushed against her bare mound when Emma grabbed his hand and pushed it down to where she needed him, “If you don’t hurry up, I’m gonna take this into my own hands. Literally.” They hadn’t even seen each other, let alone be intimate this way for the past 8 months, yet there was no shyness to their touch or demands.

He raised an eyebrow in teasing, “Is that so?” He continued his soft brushes against her skin, now sliding his finger just around her nub, watching as Emma bit her lip. He stopped abruptly then, “If you bite your lip, then I’m not touching you, Swan.”

She rolled her eyes, giving him a _seriously?_ look – this has always been a topic of discussion whenever they get intimate. Emma for some reason always bites her lip, but Killian always wanted to hear her, despite how loud she can get.

Emma released her lips and he muttered a “ _Good,_ ” sliding his body down so his mouth was hovering over core, his hot breath alone making Emma tighten her fingers on the slippery leather of the couch.

He grabbed her hand and interlaced her fingers with his as he licked a long strip to her clit, making Emma’s hips jerk up. Killian moved their joined hands to rest on her hipbone, pushing her down as he licked, lapped, and sucked on her folds – moaning once himself as Emma tangled her other hand in his hair, pulling him even closer to her.

Killian pushed her shirt up, groping her breast as Emma’s thighs shivered under his touch. He held her gaze captive as he sucked hard on her clit, making her fall apart with a whisper of his name. Killian merely grinned and divested himself of his sweatpants and boxers before winking at her, “Do you want me here or the bed, my love?”

Emma let out a long exhale, looking utterly flushed as she ran her hand down her own body, “Bed.” She answered breathily, “but you have to carry me there.”

Without argument, Killian lifted her in his arms, Emma’s hands closing around his neck as she pressed her cheek to his chest. He gently laid her down on his bed, the mattress dipping slightly as he moved to join her.

He was painfully hard and in desperate need for release but he was content just laying down beside her. And if she didn’t feel like she could handle another orgasm, he’d be happy enough to take himself to the shower.

“That was amazing.” Emma whispered, turning on her side so she could face him, her breasts pressing against his side. She was still wearing his shirt but had no energy to remove it.

Killian smiled, “I’ve still got it, huh?”

“Still?” Emma swallowed – her implication on the word clear.

“Aye, it’s been 8-“

“Yeah, same” She smiled, running her fingers teasingly over his chest.

Thunder rumbled outside, making them both turn towards his large windows as rain suddenly started pouring.

“You always like to - ”

“- fuck when it’s raining outside.”

Emma smiled at the way Killian shook his head, “Oh sorry. I mean _make love_. Wouldn’t wanna hurt your delicate sensibilities.” She teased.

_“Make love_ just sounds much better, love.” He said, turning on his side as well so they were now facing each other.

“Well, then,” she dragged her hand down until it was hovering just above his erection, “Why don’t we _make love_ Jones?”

“As the lady wis- _aaah_ ” his head fell back as Emma grasped him in her hand, pumping a couple of times before she moved so she was settled between his thighs, her hand still moving on him.

“Take off your shirt, Emma. I want to see you.” He demanded, his hands touching any patch of skin he could reach. It was maddening really, the soft brushes of his fingers on her thighs, her hipbone, and then coming down to circle her clit.

Emma let his cock go as she removed her shirt, throwing it behind her before she grabs him again, and with slow precision, sinks down on him. They both groaned loudly once he was buried to the hilt inside her, his hands digging in her sides almost painfully.

Emma started moving her hips in slow circles, burning up all over. She missed this – the way it felt with him inside her, his hands touching her everywhere. Her hands, and the occasional vibrator were just _very_ poor substitutes.

She increased the speed of her thrusts as the tingling in her body started, Killian sitting up to wrap his arms around her waist, his lips and tongue moving across her nipples with every thrust.

They join together in one slow and gentle kiss, much in contrast to the hard and fast thrusts both were pushing. Her fingernails dig deep into his back and he _knows_ she’s close. So he brings one hand to where they are joined and it only takes one flick on her clit before she’s falling, him following suit.

Emma collapsed onto him the moment she comes back down from seeing stars and all. He gently moved her so she laid down on the bed, joining her as soon as he pulled the cover up.

“Killi-“ she started, but her eyes were dripping shut as all the exhaustion was catching up with her – not just from their recent activities, but all the high anxiety, tears, lies, anger, and uncertainty from the past week.

“Shhh.” He kissed her forehead as she snuggled even more into the crook of his neck, “We’ll talk tomorrow.”

~~xx~~

Later, when they’re back to snuggle up on Killian’s couch, with their mugs of cocoa grown coldand forgotten after they’d allowed themselves to get distracted, and they were both basking in the afterglow of some rather welcome make-up sex, Emma finally texted her Mom back.

_I’m happy._

_P.S. Any chance you might come down to visit us and bring the rest of my stuff?_

Smiling to herself, Emma leaned back into the crook of Killian’s shoulder, her hand coming up to caress his chest, letting her fingers tangle into the patch of hair which grew there.He stirred at her ministrations, clearly still awake, and Emma saw an opportunity to sate her curiosity.

“Hey,” she said, nudging his shoulder a little until his blue eyes popped open. “So before we left you said that you didn’t tell my parents that we broke up, even though you were still talking to my dad sometimes – why?”

Killian sighed, tilting his chin to look down at her. “Why does it matter?”

Emma scoffed, moving her hand from his chest to trace his jawline. “Because I want to know!”

After Killian didn’t say anything, Emma moved to straddle him so that he couldn’t escape, her hands folded on his chest with her chin resting on them. She raised her eyebrow at him and he turned red, his hand going to scratch behind his ear.

“Yes?” she asked, expectedly.

“Alright, alright. Well, I figured out pretty quickly you hadn’t told your parents. And I suppose, in my wishful thinking, I hoped that meant you hadn’t completely written off the idea of getting back together?” He confessed, and then with a blush added, “And a small part of me always thought we’d eventually find our way back to each other.”

“Quite the romantic, huh?” She teased him, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

He laughed once she reached his ear, nibbling at a particular ticklish spot of his. She kissed his cheek before burrowing her head at the crook of his neck, Killian tightening his arm around her as he sighed in contentment.

“I’m really glad I’m here.” Emma confessed.

“Me too, love, me too.” He nodded, pulling her even tighter against him.

He was right. It didn’t really matter. Emma was back with him, where she belonged, and that was all that really mattered. Once again, everything made sense.

~~xx~~

_**One month later** _

“Okay, why don’t we move that fucking boat somewhere else, and put this beautiful vase here instead?” Emma suggested, holding the offending vessel out of his reach.

Killian looked her over as he turned to face her – her hair was up in a ponytail, and she was stripped down to her sheer white tank top due to all the heavy lifting but _God_ , she was lovely, even when she was being obstinate.

“Love, that ship was a gift from Gold. He found it at some antique store.”

“More like a pawn shop,” she scoffed, “See that boat-”

“Ship,” he corrected automatically.

“That _boat_ ,” she repeated, with a wicked grin in his direction, “could also go on the side table near the couch.” She pointed towards it. “This vase can’t. So we _have_ to put it there!” She crossed her arms, lifting her chin slightly as if daring him to argue.

He swore sometimes he felt like _she_ was the lawyer among them.

“As you wish, m’lady,” he bowed, taking his little ship from her grasp. But lest she think he was a complete pushover, he give her a playful slap on the ass as he passed her, for making him move his ship which had never once needed moving in all the years he’d lived in that apartment.

But now, of course, it was _their_ apartment, and Emma had only agreed to move into his apartment, instead of finding a new one, so long as she could bring all her own belongings and get dibs on where to put it. Killian found that last point particularly sticky, but seeing as he was the one who’d been so eager to cohabit in the first place, he supposed reasonable sacrifices had to be made, good taste be damned.

“And with that vase, that makes three out of eight boxes unpacked!” She said in mock cheer, rubbing her face in her hands.

“Why don’t we take a break, Swan?” he suggested, moving to stand behind her. With his arms encircling her waist, he let his chin rest on her shoulder, his mouth inches apart from her earlobe as he spoke, “We’ve got all the time in the world to unpack this.”

“You’re right, we do.” She turned in his arms, bringing her own hands to rest on his chest. “I’m so glad we’re doing this.”

“Aye, me too.”

Emma sighed, resting her forehead against his. “I love you.”

Killian smiled, “I love you too.”

~~xx~~

For Christmas that year they made it back to Storybrooke to visit the Nolans – the townsfolk none the wiser for their earlier deceptions, having apparently swallowed David’s hastily prepared excuse -an emergency work assignment for Killian- hook, line and sinker.

Her parents were another matter, but they’d long since buried the hatchet since the two of them had arrived at Killian’s door the day after their reconciliation, bearing warm hugs and the rest of Emma’s luggage.

This time, when they bowed out early from the festivities at Granny’s, both of them sober but still very giddy, Killian drove them out to the docks instead of going home. And at her favorite place in Storybrooke, with his mother’s ring heavy in his jacket pocket, he asked her a very important question.

(She said _yes_ ).

_~~xx~~_

_the end._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The scene that was added was the smut scene since I know a lot of people wanted some make-up sex lool. 
> 
> I’d like to thank all of you who read it and kudo'd (is that a word?) it, and left reviews. I’ve appreciated every single comment SO much and I hope this lived up to your expectations and I hope to see y’all again with my next MC! 
> 
> Thank you sooooo much <3


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